Thanksgiving Is Terrible

I remember as a child finding out I would have four days off in a row. It was because of Thanksgiving. This sounded good. Then I learned I would have to waste one of those days eating a bad meal and being around people I wanted nothing to do with, 

There were two options. There was the Grandmother that overcooked everything, and the other Grandmother that under-cooked everything. So you had a bone dry turkey, with stuffing that resembled toothpaste. Or you could get very sick for the rest of the long weekend. 

Regardless of which Grandmother I was forced to be at I was surrounded  relatives that wanted nothing to do with me. I had, and still have, no interest in sports. None of the cousins were in my age range either. So I tried to find isolation and light to play Game Boy. Which would lead to my father yelling about how I should try harder, and me pointing out that I did and there were no takers.

"Black Friday" was not a thing my family took part in when I was a child. Didn't know what it was until I my first job working as holiday help at Target. I enjoy some sales now, still hate the meal. 

Black Friday, Now Starting Thursday.

I might be the first to say Thanksgiving sucks, but I have never said we should ski it. Retailers, feel otherwise. Why have a day off to rest, when you can go to a store and get in a fight over a slightly better sale than usual?

Retailers have been starting earlier and earlier each year. The last few years retailers started opening Thursday night around 8pm or so. This year some are opening as early as 5pm on Thursday, meaning the sun won't even be down yet.

All I ever wanted to do on Thanksgiving was NOTHING. I never wanted to see any extended family. I don't like turkey. I just want to take a real day off. Wake up, hangout in bed watching TV or maybe Youtube these days, eat something good, nap, shower, call it a day. But instead as a kid, I had to go eat a terrible meal, with people I hate. Sure, I could just stay home, enjoy a day of rest, but I do like deals.

So yeah, I will end up shopping. Not for any "door busters" those are a fools bet. Instead I will be after the usual stuff that just happens to get a good discount. At the end I won't be rested, and the next day everyone will wonder why I still look like I need a day off.

Let's Talk About The Holiday Season

Things to do on Black Friday

Black Friday is coming. The last thing you should is shop. Instead you should spend a day at home. Relax, and take a breather. There is enough rushing about in daily life without adding more on a day you have off. Do nothing, or at least nothing high stress.

Do some light drinking. Stay home, and have no more than three beers an hour. Just enjoy a day long buzz. Hide your phone before hand to avoid any drunk dialing. We are looking to avoid stress.

Watch some holiday themed pornography. Or if you hate the holidays, watch some of whatever you are into. Or just find some to bang all day long. Seems like some sexual release would do you a lot more good than a cheap HDTV.

Work on that plan you have to get revenge on your enemies. Everyone has one, and most of them need more than a bit of polish. Poor your heart into it. Then you can put your plan into action and hopefully have no remaining enemies by next Black Friday.

Sleep. Catch up on all the back sleep. More then likely what I will be doing.

Well it really did happen...

I warned this would happen last year. People thought I was joking, but no it really happened. There is a "Black Friday" sale that is starting on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Christmas has now officially taken over Thanksgiving.

The horde is coming early this year, and every year from now on.

Now the day before Thanksgiving people will be trampled to death. This will give some families so much to be thankful for. Is half off a TV worth a human life? The average "Black Friday" shopper thinks so.

This will get worse next year. 2014 will have a "Black Friday" sale on Tuesday. The next year Monday. In only a few short years "Black Friday" will be the day after Halloween. How long will Halloween hold the line against the horrors of the Christmas shoppers? How much of the year will be enough to appease Christmas? The truth is that unless something is done the whole year will be given over to the Christmas season. .

We must do something to stop the spread of Christmas. We need to say "no" to Christmas. We need to fight Christmas. We need to find Santa, we need to hang him for his crimes. The elves too must be punished, perhaps through a series of elf on elf death fights. The reindeer can be made into tasty sausage. We must stop Chirstmas, it may already be too late. Still we must give it a fight.

Resent News Items.

These are just my reactions to some resent, and somewhat resent, news items.

Zimmerman got off. Not much of a surprise. If not for the media coverage it likely would of not gone to trial. There is a lot of emotional arguments for why he should of been found guilty, but the law is about the facts not about the emotion surrounding them. Was justice done, don't know, we have a "legal system", not a "justice system".

Kim Kardashian had a baby. Why is this treated as news? Also, why isn't the baby named "Kunt"? Anyone want to take bets on what age this child will enter rehab the first time? Wonder which parent it will take after, the media whore of marginal talent, or the media whore of no talent.


The Steam Summer Sale is on. I am a man of no faith, I am not a patriot, nor do I possess a strong connection to family or any group of people. So when Steam has a sale it is like Christmas, Thanksgiving, the fourth of July, Saints Patrick's day, and Easter, all rolled together. You might not get it, but at least it isn't forced on you like some other holidays I could name.

Christmas Assholery

Well Thanksgiving is over, so we are in the "official Christmas season". Rather than bitch, let's have some fun with this season. People are at there worst during this season, so it seems only right to screw with them. How can we use the elements of this season to make this season fun?

In the overcrowded parking lots there are many way to have fun. Organize a card game that take place in a parking lot. Bring a large folding table (or several) and take up as many spaces as you can with your friends gambling. Make sure someone in the group buy some gum form a store connected to the parking lot, so you can't be accused of loitering. If gambling isn't your thing, you can do the same thing with a game like "Magic the Gathering" or "Warhammer". Do whatever you like at the tables, the idea is to take up as may spaces as possible to make the parking situation that much worse. Keep in mind nothing about this is illegal, it is just a massively asshole like behavior. 

Now if you actually must go into a store you need not limit yourself to only shopping. You could always play with the placing of prices on the shelves, or the location of merchandise. Either will have the same effect. While people backs are turned you can take the time to remove or add items from/to their cart.  Of course if all of that is too much work for you, there exist other options. Why not eat some Mexican food and then go to the most crowded part of a store and let the pressure release. Then there is taking up the time of sales people looking for products you know they don't have, and asking questions they can't answer. Not only are you wasting the time of the sales person, you are wasting the time of every actual paying customer.

There are many thing you can do. Be creative, and know the law. You will be amazed at how far you can go without breaking any laws.

Thanksgiving Plans

Today, lets get a little personal. Let all my reader(s) in on what I do for Thanksgiving. It is not really what most people do, but it is what I have come to do.

Well I don't do much. I see no family. I eat no turkey. No interest is paid to any parade, or sporting event. Most things that are generally associated with the holiday are entirely devoid of my Thanksgiving. It is not to say that I have no traditions, they just are just not what other people do.

What I do is enjoy a few meals out. I go to Carl's Jr, every year since I was 16. I drive through alone, and eat in my vehicle.

Knowing this is the "official" start of the Christmas season I watch the only Christmas movie I approve of: "The Ref" and "Bad Santa". Always hoping for anther anti-Christmas movie to come along, seem to be many years between their releases.

 This is how my Thanksgiving goes. It is the same every year. That is a little look into my world.

Thankgiving Sucks.

Before we start, two small things. First, happy to say I got over 2000 views on one YouTube video. While that isn't huge in the grand scope of things, it still feel nice to see that when you have only been at it for a few months. Secondly, does anyone know what happened to the Square Alliance website? I suspect the guy who ran it finally just blew his brains out, but I am looking for some confirmation. Alright, personal shit out of the way. Sorry for starting with personal shit two weeks in a row.

On to the usual.

Thanksgiving is a kick in the nuts. It leads to nothing good, and at this point it has lost all meaning. Time

You get a four day weekend, but you end up wasting two of the days, so really you have gained nothing. Thursday is killed by seeing people you hate. Worse you are expected to act like you give a shit about them. Friday is a waste because it is the start of the Christmas season, so you either shop, or avoid doing anything to avoid crowds. At the very least they should the Monday after should be given off too, then you still have three days that wouldn't suck.

You have to see people you hate. Grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, honestly even your own parents and siblings are more than somewhat of a drag. You haven't ever really given a shit about any of them, but you have had to fake it all your life. Worst, on Thanksgiving you get nothing for your effort. These people suck, and you have to force conversation and fake interest, and for your efforts all you get is a bad meal and feeling of shame.

The food is never as good as it should be. Seriously, the turkey is always overcooked, dry, and honestly seems more than a bit pasted its prime. Stuffing that is either too wet or burned, and stuffing done right is great, never seen it done right at a Thanksgiving dinner. Underdone potatoes, always to hard and cold in the center. Far too sweet canned cranberry sauce that is all gel and no actual berries. Why do we suffer through this every year?

It is the "official" start of the Christmas season. No... NO... I won't rant about this, I won't acknowledge Christmas's existence till after the false holiday of Thanksgiving is over. You know, do the thing people used to do.

Halloween Don'ts

Long time reader of this blog will know of my love for Halloween. It is the only good holiday, the only holiday I have good memories of as a child. In recent years things things have started to happen that need to be put to an end.

Don't hand out things that aren't candy. Pretzels are not candy. Raisins are not candy,  they are not even nature's candy, handing them out will lead to your house being rightfully egged. If you are giving out dental supplies, they had better come with some fucking chocolate. If you hand out pennies children are within there rights to kill your pets.

Don't go to a church function on Halloween.There is more than enough superficial religious dressing on other holidays.  We don't need this taint on Halloween. We need scares, free candy, and as much distance form religion as we can get. If you must go to a church on Halloween it should be to perform hilarious pranks in the black of night.

Don't send your child to school without a costume. Is getting your kid beaten at school worth whatever bullshit you are into? In fact if Halloween is on a school night, just let the kid take Halloween and the day after off. With or without costume give the kid a good memory.

Don't do any Christmas shopping before Halloween. The line must be drawn here. Christmas has taken over Thanks Giving. We can't let another Holiday be steamrolled by the unholy curse that is Christmas. We must fight Christmas by making Halloween bigger, and longer. Slowly letting Halloween bleed into November till we have pushed Christmas back into December.

This one is for the women out there, don't be pissed when men look at you in your "sexy ______" outfit. I say "sexy ______" because every costume for women is basically a fetish whore outfit. Nurse, cat, vampire, zombie, cop, whatever else you got, are all just hooker outfits with a theme that barely justifies it as a costume. If you dress like a whore, don't be pissed when you get looked at as such. Not that I am complaining about the outfits, only the bitchy attitude that comes with them far to often.

Halloween is great, lets keep it that way.

Black Friday.

It is that time of year when normally reasonable people spend hours to get 20$ off a bottom of the line television. It is a day retail employs hate, and only the dumbest of consumers enjoy. This day once signaled the start of the "Christmas season", now is seems to be right in the middle of this horrid time of year. Black Friday gets a little worse each year.

People think they will get good deals, but they don't. First, the deal are on items that are by and large not that good. Second there is the time spent to get the item. Time has a value, this value is different for each person. Rather than standing in line that time could be better spent doing almost anything thing else. The time wasted in line could be spent making money, sleeping, enjoying a meal, masturbating, with your other half, etc. By the time you have spend 3 (or more) hours in line, the money you might be saving is no longer worth it. So, if you need a deal wait till a sale next year, no waiting in line, and it will be a better model than the factory rejects that they sell only on Black Friday.

Black Friday, no day is more hated by retail employees. It starts earlier than any other work day, and the costumers are in a worse mood and much dumber than the average.  In the first half hour of the day, all the advertised deal are gone. So the remaining time in the day is spent hearing "What do you mean sold out?! When will you get more?!", the answer is never as the stuff on sale are promotional items that aren't normally carried. Then come the demands to see a manager, all of whom are hiding in the back, and won't come out for anything short of a fire. All of this ends with the store looking like looters have raided it, and it will remain in this state till sometime in the middle of January.

Every year Black Friday gets a little worse. The first was sometime in the 60's (so says Wikipedia), and slowly it has grown in to the hell on earth it is today. With each year store advertise a little more, and open a little earlier, 7am, 6am, 5am, 4am. The line wraps around the store a little more, and the shoppers come a bit earlier. This year it has gotten to a very sad point, Black Friday actually started at 10pm on Thursday at Wal-Mart. So where does it go next year? Do we go to 9pm Thursday? Will we eventually get to Black Friday starting on Wednesday?

We must stop this horrid event. Stay home, eat leftovers, read, play video games, watch porn, or plan the downfall of your enemies, just don't go shopping. Together we can bring sanity back.

The most Dysfunctional Time of the Year.

With the holidays upon us, I thought it was time for an honest song about the holidays.  

It's the most dysfunctional time of the year
With the kids loudly yelling
And everyone telling you "Fuck this time of year"
It's the most dysfunctional time of the year
It's the crap-crappiest season of all
With the holiday drinking and mad family beatings
When friends come to call
It's the crap-crappiest season of all

There'll be parties for roasting
Jack Daniels for toasting
And passing out in the snow
There'll be scary old people
And tales of the relations you
Don't really know,  you wish to go

It's the most dysfunctional time of the year
There'll be much family beating
And blood will be flowing
When "loved" ones are near
It's the most dysfunctional time of the year

There'll be parties for roasting
Jack Daniels for toasting
And passing out in the snow
There'll be scary old people
And tales of the relations you
Don't really know,  you wish to go

It's the most dysfunctional time of the year
There'll be much family beating
And blood will be flowing
When "loved" ones are near
It's the most dysfunctional time
It's the most dysfunctional time
It's the most dysfunctional time
It's the most dysfunctional time of the year

Thanksgiving.

There is a holiday between the greatness of Halloween and the horrors of Christmas that seems to get smaller every year. That holiday is Thanksgiving. It is admittedly a waste of a good Thursday where you choke down a bad meal while putting up with people you can't stand. However Thanksgiving used to serve a purpose, that was to hold back all the overwhelming bullshit that comes with Christmas. 

Once upon a time November was all about Thanksgiving. None of the stink of Christmas was on the month at all. Everything in the month was about the long weekend, and bad meal, that everyone had to look forward too. No Christmas movies were on TV during November, nor did you ever hear a Christmas song on the radio or played in a store. It was a time that was a buffer between the best and the worst holiday. The month helped you shift your gears. Not so much anymore.

Now Thanksgiving is almost forgotten. Starting November 1st the "Christmas season" is on, and its volume is turned to 11. Blaring Christmas music is in every store, and every channel play increasingly worse movies about Christmas. Thanksgiving was never a great holiday, but it was a nice calm before the storm.

Sadly, there is nothing to be done. Thanksgiving sucks, and no one seems to miss it, not that there was all that much to miss.

Halloween is coming.

Halloween is the only good holiday. It is the only holiday that doesn't involve large amounts of bullshit. Sadly however, it seems to be on the decline in resent years.

Halloween is great because of all the things you don't have to do. No gifts to buy, no bad meal to choke down, no family you hate anyway, no grand display of affection, no annoying false patriotism. While being a holiday, it shares in none of the worst parts that other holidays have. No one ever gets suicidal on Halloween, unlike some other holidays that could be named.

What Halloween does have is simple: candy, costumes, and Satan. Who doesn't love candy? Who doesn't think a costume one day out of the year could be fun? There is no Satan involved really, we just barrow some of his style for the holiday. It is a holiday without an ulterior motive.

Halloween is about fun, only holiday you can say that about. Christmas is about greed. Thanksgiving is about gluttony. Valentines is about lust.  Halloween is just a good time, with some candy, and a bit of dress up. Shame that it seems to get smaller every year.