In defense of ED-209

With the release of the remake of RoboCop talk about the original has come back to an extent. The original RoboCop is a fun, and good movie. However there is one thing in it people like to bash, that being the ED-209.

The ED-209 was a chicken walker mechanoid that didn't function properly. It was in the movie to poke fun at how certain US companies release products. There are many things overtly wrong with the ED-209. It is not programed very well. It seems to lack processing power for its AI. There are clear vulnerabilities in overt places. All of that is true, and more. However, certain things people point at as flaws, are not necessarily flaws.

The one that comes up often is that the ED-209 can't use stairs, that this is a huge design flaw. However, looking at it, it was never meant to go inside buildings or use stairs. The "ED" in ED-209 has two potintial meanings. In the original movie it is said to mean "Enforcement Droid". In the RoboCop live action television series they say "Enforce and Defend". Either way this machine was clearly meant to be on the streets, or to be used at key locations. It was not meant to be a bodyguard for an individual, nor was it ever intended to let loose in an office building. 

Was the ED-209 a poorly built/designed/made machine? Absolutely. However, it is also used improperly when we see it in the original RoboCop movies/television series.

Two things that should exist.

These are a two things that don't seem to exist anywhere. At least "Google" didn't seem to know of where to find examples of these ideas in practice. If you know of an example of one of these, please do tell.

Why has there never been someone sexually abusing a zombie in any medium. Never read a story where this has happened, never seen a movie where this happened either. Seems like some sick person would capture a zombie for sexual exploitation. It wouldn't even need to be intentional, what if a submissive at somekind of BDSM dungeon came down with the zombie plague and no one noticed? Also, would a zombie plague be sexual transmissible? Aside from that, would you this technically count any of this as necrophilia?

Would you?

Some really  good jokes about abortion. Seems like this is a subject that is overlooked in the joke department. Or how about using an aborted fetus as a character in a comedy? What if you did a period movie about Jesus, only he was miscarried by Mary, and now a fetus Jesus need to go through the whole story including getting nailed up? That is some comedy gold right there.

Lets Talk About Movies.

This isn't a review of any particular movie. Nor it is about any genre or theme in film. This is just about movies in a very broad sense. This is because all movies fall in to one of three categories: bad, good, and great. Certainly there is a degree to which this is based on taste, and is therefore subjective. However, regardless of taste these three broad labels still apply, it is just that they may apply to different movies based on the individual. So lets define these labels.

First we have the label that likely encompasses the most movies, that is to say "bad". A movie can be bad for any number of reasons, the script, the director, the actors, the production value, etc. It could be one of these factors, but it is likely more than one. The thing with bad movies is that they generally get worse with repeated viewings. You might of not enjoy "Your Highness" the first time, but by viewing number ten you will hate it with a burning passion. Why they get worse does change from movie to movie, and some people claim movies can be "so bad they are good", but this seems unlikely.

It gets a little worse with each viewing.

Good movies is another fairly large category.  Good movies don't get worse as you see them, but they don't get much better either. Movies of all types fall here, most properly handled genre pictures will be "good". Good movies are a varied lot, some you will watch, like, and forget about all in the same day; while others might stay with you a long time. These movies are competently made with out reaching a truly higher level. Certainly you would watch a "good" movie again, but you wouldn't get much more out of it.

Wroth a watching every so often.

This is likely the smallest category for everyone, the great movies. These are movies that get better with time and more viewings. This movies go beyond "good", they are movies that some might call "flawless". Most people will only have a extremely small handful of movies that they consider great. One that might come up more often than others is "The Godfather". For myself, it has gotten a little bit better each time I have seen.

Well I think it is "great". Maybe the sequel too.

This is all a matter of personal opinion. What is "great" to one person might just be "good" to another. As with all art, there is a huge amount of subjectivity. Still, yet to find anyone to call "Battlefield Earth" anything other than "bad".

Striving For Mediocre

Seems like the goal has changed. It is as if no one cares about being the best anymore. Food is getting worse, movies have nothing to say, and television after only the lowest common denominator. It is no longer a matter of trying to be the best, it is instead a quest not to be the worst.

McDonald's is not bad. It is not great either. It is edible, that is about all you can say. So why is there a trend of other fast food restaurants trying to emulate the food of McDonald's? Why is everyone making a version of the Big Mack? Jack in the Box has the Bonus Jack, Burger King has the Big King, Carl's Jr (Hardee's) has the Big Carl. The Big Mack is edible, but it is hardly great. It might only be fast food, but they could do better. Carl's Jr has made some great food in the past, the Prime Rib Burger and Steakhouse Burger come to mind, neither of which they make anymore. 

Television has gotten worse. The fact anyone knows who the person pictured above is, is proof television television is doing harm. How can "Honey Boo Boo" do better in terms of ratings than "30 Rock". "30 Rock" is a consistently well written and funny show. "Honey Boo Boo" is  very ugly white trash family eating horrid food and reinforcing stereotypes. When did quality stop mattering? When did shit become the gold standard? 

Movies. Sure it is January, and movies are usually weak this time of year. However that is no excuse for Hansel and Gretel being released. How did this happen? Some one had to first think this was a good idea, present it to their boss, who would then need to green light this idea. A writer then has to right it, and actors have to agree to be in it. How does all of this happen for an idea this bad?

So to sum up, the world is getting worse. Food is getting bland, TV is making you less intelligent, movies... dear god... When did being the best stop being the goal?

Thanksgiving Plans

Today, lets get a little personal. Let all my reader(s) in on what I do for Thanksgiving. It is not really what most people do, but it is what I have come to do.

Well I don't do much. I see no family. I eat no turkey. No interest is paid to any parade, or sporting event. Most things that are generally associated with the holiday are entirely devoid of my Thanksgiving. It is not to say that I have no traditions, they just are just not what other people do.

What I do is enjoy a few meals out. I go to Carl's Jr, every year since I was 16. I drive through alone, and eat in my vehicle.

Knowing this is the "official" start of the Christmas season I watch the only Christmas movie I approve of: "The Ref" and "Bad Santa". Always hoping for anther anti-Christmas movie to come along, seem to be many years between their releases.

 This is how my Thanksgiving goes. It is the same every year. That is a little look into my world.

Worst Parts of Entertainment.

Entertainment comes in many forms, books, movies, video games, music, and many others. Entertainment can be art, or be made purely to make money, both options are fine and most of it falls somewhere in the middle. However, all forms of entertainment have the same cancers eating away at them however. These are the worst parts of entertainment.

The lack of original ideas that leads to the large number of remakes. Movies are most guilty of this, but video games and musicians are guilty too. When a remake is done right it adds to the original, and gives you something new in old skin, it is something that can be compared to the original and hold its own. A musician can do a cover and put their own style into the song and make something great, a directer can do the same with film. The problem is all the lazy attempts at remakes that come out, cover songs that are identical to the original, movies that are poorly made with a familiar title slapped on it. If you must remake something, at least do it right. Sadly it hasn't been done right in a long time.

Every form of media has its fans. Sadly over time some fans change, a metamorphosis happens and they become fanboys. What causes this tragic condition is unknown, but being seated near one is the number one cause of suicide at entertainment venues. Fanboys are a sad lot, they have developed an obsession and are offended when other don't share in it. If you are wondering if someone you know is a fanboy lookout for the following: endless talking about one subject, large amounts of money spent on things relating to same subject, lack of hygiene, fits of rage when legitimate criticisms are aimed at their obsession.

Entertainment makers should try to target a particular audience. Problems happen when they try to make something for "everyone". When you try to make something for everyone, you in the end make something for no one. Somethings are for children, others for adults, and others for any group that might exist. You need to know who you are making something for, this lets you know what to make. On the rare occasion something transcends audiences and is universal, it is not done on intention, it rather just happens.

So lets ban together to stop these problems. Don't pay to see that remake, get the original off Netlfix. Donate a dollar to help find the cause and cure to fanboyism. Remind any person you know in the entertainment industry to target a single audience. Together we can improve entertainment.

Thanksgiving.

There is a holiday between the greatness of Halloween and the horrors of Christmas that seems to get smaller every year. That holiday is Thanksgiving. It is admittedly a waste of a good Thursday where you choke down a bad meal while putting up with people you can't stand. However Thanksgiving used to serve a purpose, that was to hold back all the overwhelming bullshit that comes with Christmas. 

Once upon a time November was all about Thanksgiving. None of the stink of Christmas was on the month at all. Everything in the month was about the long weekend, and bad meal, that everyone had to look forward too. No Christmas movies were on TV during November, nor did you ever hear a Christmas song on the radio or played in a store. It was a time that was a buffer between the best and the worst holiday. The month helped you shift your gears. Not so much anymore.

Now Thanksgiving is almost forgotten. Starting November 1st the "Christmas season" is on, and its volume is turned to 11. Blaring Christmas music is in every store, and every channel play increasingly worse movies about Christmas. Thanksgiving was never a great holiday, but it was a nice calm before the storm.

Sadly, there is nothing to be done. Thanksgiving sucks, and no one seems to miss it, not that there was all that much to miss.

Media Formats.

Over the years there have been many formats for music, movies, and games. Every few years a new format comes out, and people begin to get things they already have have copies of, but in the new format. This has happened with vinyl records giving way to cassette, and later cassette to compact disk. Today we see people do this with Blu-ray copies of moves to replace DVD copies.

While DVDs replaced VHS, they offered more than just the movie. A DVD gave you many special feature, with deleted scenes, commentary tracks, and so forth, things a VHS could never offer. Blu-ray is now replacing DVD, but other than a better resolution doesn't give much more. While a Blu-ray is great for a new movie shot in high definition, what is gained for an old movie? Does "The Godfather" get better with resolution, doubtful, or does a Saturday Night Live movie get any less shitty with resolution, also doubtful.

When the CD replaced cassette the CD offered better sound, and was in someways more durable. That is how a format change should happen, there should be a clear advantage for switching over.  Today we seem to embrace change for the sake of change. A better resolution image is great, but is it really enough reason to buy something you had on DVD?

The "Indy" Scene.

Every major form of media has a "mainstream" and an "independent" offshoot. Both are fine options, more produce 10% greatness, 10% shit, and 80% somewhere in the middle. This refers to movies, music, books, and most recently video games. The fact that there exists two levels is a good thing, a good "independent" work will go on to influence the "mainstream".  It is a nice little system.

This is all well and good, but what isn't good are the pretentious fans of "independent" works that will tell you how anything in the "indy scene" will blow away anything that is "mainstream". These people will brag that they have never seen/read/played whatever is popular, or critically acclaimed, because a major publisher/studio is behind it. They think their love of the "indy scene" makes them intellectually, and possibly morally superior to all lesser people that just enjoy media and don't get care where it might come from. All of these pretentious people need at least a good slap in the face, or most feed into a giant wood-chipper.

Love of the "independent" doesn't mean you have better taste, or are a better person. The "indy scene" is just like the "mainstream", 10% gold, 10% shit. Every "Reservoir Dogs" is balanced by something like "The Room". So can't we all just enjoy what is good, regardless of where it came from?

Movie Ideas.

Just some thoughts on movies that likely haven't been made yet.

1. A zombie movie staring a necrophiliac. How would a necrophiliac feel about the undead? They like their partners dead, but what about undead? It shocks me that we haven't seen a zombie chained up for some sex at some point. Seems like this situation would have to come up in such a world.

2. A romantic comedy that is actually funny.Or that is a honest look at "romance".

3. A movie where someone comes back to the town they hated and couldn't wait to leave in there youth, and they still hate it when they come back later in life. Better still, what if it seemed even worse after all the years had past? Most things don't get better with age.

4.  An accurate history epic. Show us how it really was, not the white wash that we want to see.