Halloween Don'ts

Long time reader of this blog will know of my love for Halloween. It is the only good holiday, the only holiday I have good memories of as a child. In recent years things things have started to happen that need to be put to an end.

Don't hand out things that aren't candy. Pretzels are not candy. Raisins are not candy,  they are not even nature's candy, handing them out will lead to your house being rightfully egged. If you are giving out dental supplies, they had better come with some fucking chocolate. If you hand out pennies children are within there rights to kill your pets.

Don't go to a church function on Halloween.There is more than enough superficial religious dressing on other holidays.  We don't need this taint on Halloween. We need scares, free candy, and as much distance form religion as we can get. If you must go to a church on Halloween it should be to perform hilarious pranks in the black of night.

Don't send your child to school without a costume. Is getting your kid beaten at school worth whatever bullshit you are into? In fact if Halloween is on a school night, just let the kid take Halloween and the day after off. With or without costume give the kid a good memory.

Don't do any Christmas shopping before Halloween. The line must be drawn here. Christmas has taken over Thanks Giving. We can't let another Holiday be steamrolled by the unholy curse that is Christmas. We must fight Christmas by making Halloween bigger, and longer. Slowly letting Halloween bleed into November till we have pushed Christmas back into December.

This one is for the women out there, don't be pissed when men look at you in your "sexy ______" outfit. I say "sexy ______" because every costume for women is basically a fetish whore outfit. Nurse, cat, vampire, zombie, cop, whatever else you got, are all just hooker outfits with a theme that barely justifies it as a costume. If you dress like a whore, don't be pissed when you get looked at as such. Not that I am complaining about the outfits, only the bitchy attitude that comes with them far to often.

Halloween is great, lets keep it that way.