Saturday, June 29, 2013

Something a little more personal.

Earlier this past month was the 2nd year anniversary of this blog. This is not big deal, nor should anyone really care. However, I thought in honor of this little non-event that I would let the readers I have in on my life just a little. So there won't be much in the way of jokes this week.

I write this blog on a laptop from 2005. This is so I can write while laying down. This is also the computer I spend the most time on. It is old, and getting more than a bit slow. However, it still functions with no major problems, and I can't afford to replace it anyway. It was a powerful machine back in its day.

This is the truck I drive. This truck is old, but still runs well. You may remember a blog about the troubles of owning a truck, this was indeed the inspiration. In a couple more years it won't need to smog-checked anymore, that will be nice.

Here are the desktops I make my videos on. You will also see the mic I use to record with, and yes I know I need a better mic. The one on the left is newer, and the one I use to PC game. The right one is mostly for archiving. Also in this picture is a notebook where I write down ideas for blogs and videos, and ideas can strike at very odd times.

Sorry for the short blog, it is not easy to share things about myself. I willing to answer any question that anyone might have. So please do let me know what you would like to know.  Thank you for reading.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Your Baby Is Only Cute To You.

Why is it when people have a baby they think everyone else gives a shit? We know you are having some "buyer's remorse" about having the kid, but shoving the little freak in everyone face isn't going to make that go away. So keep that thing at home till you can teach it to be quiet and to amuse itself. 

Your baby does nothing but make annoying sounds. Do something to shut the little shit up. Please. It make nothing but high pitched gibberish, and even once it can talk it won't say anything of real value for about 20 to 25 years anyway. Can we put a ball-gag on that kid, or maybe just some duct tape over its mouth? It is like having the world's most annoying pet around when you bring this little bastard around. Also, no one is buying when you try to act like the sounds coming out of it are anything other than ear rape.

The little bastard makes everything it touches sticky. Why must it leave a trail of drool, mucus, and feces everywhere it goes? Can't we put it in to some kind of holding pen to keep it form getting this slime all over everything? Seems like the only reasonable solution to this problem. Or you could put it outside, it might enjoy that.

Your baby is ugly, just like all the other ones. No baby has ever been aesthetically pleasing. It is a fact. They are an odd, squishy little creature. Nothing that it does is pleasant to look at. It always looks like something is very wrong, and there is something wrong, you brought this thing around for us to see. Evolution as made it so this creature that squirmed out of you seems like a delight, that is only a delusion.

Seriously if I had a time machine, I would go back a few months and give you the money you needed for an abortion. Would also use it do that same trick only involving your mother and father. In fact, seems like "Time Travel Abortionist" might be the best idea ever. Might take a toll on the world and its population after a time, but think how much further along stem cell research could be.

Nothing your baby can do is impressive. Great you taught it a trick. Unless it can make money with this trick, no one cares. Right now, all you are doing is adding more reasons for other people to hate this little shit machine. Want to teach it a good trick? Teach it how to fetch beers.

Remember folks, it might be to late to abort, but adoption is still an option. Or you could do a nice murder suicide thing with you, your partner, and your little bastard. Above all, just don't bother anyone else with it.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Pet Peeves Vol 2

It has been awhile now, but the time has come for more generalized hatred toward the world at large. Just a few topics, and some short rants about them. Please enjoy, or if you don't, consider suicide. If you really do, mention me in your note.

People that want to save the world. The world is a shitty place, and not worth saving. Besides, taking part in its destruction is so much more fun. History remembers the bringers of destruction, and quickly forgets the poor bastards trying to save it.

Fast food barbecue. It is congealed grease bathed in an overly  sweet sauce. Real barbecue takes hours of work, and it is worth the time and effort. What fast food restaurants, that isn't even a methadone for the real thing.

Children that say "back in the day". If you are under 30 you are still in "the day".

People that are "offended" all the time. These people need a slow and torturous death. It is on you if you are offended. You make the decision to become offended. In fact if you are truly offended more than once or twice a decade, you are fucking stupid. You are a low functioning retard and you likely should be a ward of the state.

Anyone that can't discern sarcasm. These people should be greatly rewarded.

When you can only get something online. You are a big company, sell your wares in stores. Not everyone want to share their information with you.

Trying to find a place to eat at 3am. The only thing open is Denny's, and that isn't food. Why can't one good steakhouse, or a sushi bar, or a barbecue joint, stay open at night? Is a good meal so much to ask for at odd hours?

People always selling their line of bullshit. No one is buying it. You are a hack fraud and every one with any mental faculties can see right through you. Drop your act and find something real.

Pussy and cock piercing. These don't help anyone. How much do you hate yourself to do this? On the upside, if you are with some that has done this to themselves just imagine the things they will let you do. 

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Vampire Questions Video

This is a not quite direct translation of the blog from a couple of weeks ago. Hope you enjoy it.

In retrospect I should of made a lesbian vampire period joke.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Zombie Questions

Well, we talked about vampires last week, so how about some zombies this time. Like vampires, zombies appear in a lot of mythologies taking many different forms. They can be living men without souls, the dead raised again, people inflicted with a particularly bad infection, and many other forms still.

The modern versions of zombies we see today are generally the victims of a disease or virus. This has several problems. First, are zombies the only carriers? Or could fleas, mosquitoes, rats, and house pets also be carries? If so, are they only carriers, or would we have zombie bugs and animals to worry about? If you did have a zombie bug, and a spider ate it, would the spider become a zombie, and would that effect its behavior at all? Further would the zombie animals and insects be interested in humans, or would they be after their own kind?

If only zombies are carriers, how effective are zombies at hunting? If they are effective hunters, then the plague can't spread that fast, as a victim would need to be bitten and get away. So if there is a large portion of the population being bitten and getting away, how dangerous are the zombies really? Is it possible all the victims of the zombies are just he dumbest people that couldn't avoid a rather ineffective zombie attack? It is hard to have it both ways, zombies are either a very small number of highly effective killing machines, or they are punch drunk senior citizens.

Why do you only see regular people zombies? Why do you never see disabled zombies? You know, like a wheelchair zombie, or maybe one with a prosthetic limb? What a about a pregnant woman becoming a zombie? Would that by default make her child a zombie? Would the zombie fetus try to chew its way out? If the zombie fetus did chew its way out, would keep growing once it did? What about a person with some form of retardation becoming a zombie? Would they still be "retard strong" as a zombie?