Thursday, January 26, 2012

January Annoyances.

Every January has the same group of annoyances that pop up. There seems to be little reason for these things to happen, but they seem to be part of an extended new years ritual that doesn't seem to end till midway through February. Each year they happen and slowly fade away. If such is their fate, why must they come up at all?

People that pay for a year long gym membership and only use if for a few weeks make working out a pain. They clog the parking lot, crowd the gym. Most of them aren't even working out, they are sitting on a machine without actually using it. Men and women are both guilty of this, but have slightly different habits. The men come for two weeks, and then bullshit themselves into thinking they are in shape and stop going. Women keep going till Valentines Day, at which point they stop. Why do these people bother? They are throwing away money, and just making it harder for people that really do give a damn about working out.

Then there are the people that swear off drinking after waking up hungover on New Year's Day. Most of them make it a week, then the weekend hits and they hit the bottle. It wouldn't be so bad, but these people for that week are very vocal about there newly found (and very short lived) teetotalism. They all seem to be on a high horse about not drinking, but never want to hear about it again when happy hour hits on Friday. If these people were smart, they would know the cure for hangovers is not no more booze, but having a few more drinks that morning and then re-hydrating.

People not getting the date right. You are in line at a store, but in front of you is a middle aged woman that doesn't get enough attention. So she makes a big deal she just put the wrong date on her check. "Oops, its a new year. Do I need to write a new check, or can I cross out the date?", first she did this on purpose to get some human contact, secondly why doesn't she use a debit card? The answer being that if she used her debit card, she could feel like the center of attention for holding up the line.

January would be so nice, if it weren't for all the people. All the people, and all of their bullshit. Can't anyone just keep it to themselves?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Worst Parts of Entertainment.

Entertainment comes in many forms, books, movies, video games, music, and many others. Entertainment can be art, or be made purely to make money, both options are fine and most of it falls somewhere in the middle. However, all forms of entertainment have the same cancers eating away at them however. These are the worst parts of entertainment.

The lack of original ideas that leads to the large number of remakes. Movies are most guilty of this, but video games and musicians are guilty too. When a remake is done right it adds to the original, and gives you something new in old skin, it is something that can be compared to the original and hold its own. A musician can do a cover and put their own style into the song and make something great, a directer can do the same with film. The problem is all the lazy attempts at remakes that come out, cover songs that are identical to the original, movies that are poorly made with a familiar title slapped on it. If you must remake something, at least do it right. Sadly it hasn't been done right in a long time.

Every form of media has its fans. Sadly over time some fans change, a metamorphosis happens and they become fanboys. What causes this tragic condition is unknown, but being seated near one is the number one cause of suicide at entertainment venues. Fanboys are a sad lot, they have developed an obsession and are offended when other don't share in it. If you are wondering if someone you know is a fanboy lookout for the following: endless talking about one subject, large amounts of money spent on things relating to same subject, lack of hygiene, fits of rage when legitimate criticisms are aimed at their obsession.

Entertainment makers should try to target a particular audience. Problems happen when they try to make something for "everyone". When you try to make something for everyone, you in the end make something for no one. Somethings are for children, others for adults, and others for any group that might exist. You need to know who you are making something for, this lets you know what to make. On the rare occasion something transcends audiences and is universal, it is not done on intention, it rather just happens.

So lets ban together to stop these problems. Don't pay to see that remake, get the original off Netlfix. Donate a dollar to help find the cause and cure to fanboyism. Remind any person you know in the entertainment industry to target a single audience. Together we can improve entertainment.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


Marriage, the union of two people. Two people coming together for love, or at least economic reasons, maybe forever, more like not. It is a day about the couple, all eyes on them, and is a lovely event if done right. Sadly as time goes on more and more annoying bullshit sneaks into the ceremony and the event surrounding it. The idea of a wedding is sound, it is just that it needs a little work.

Drunks need to stop giving toasts. The newly weds should get a few toast, form family and friends, parents and loved ones. Can we just make sure the people giving them are relatively sober. No one needs a drunk girl rambling on for 10 minutes about "good times" she had with the bride. Nor do we need the a male friend telling an embarrassing story about the groom. Toast should be loving word, well wishing, and maybe small pearls of wisdom. They should never be about that "time we experimented together" or "when my bro totally got crabs that time".

Weddings need air conditioning. Don't do the ceremony outside, do it inside of a place that has some air conditioning. Every man is in a black suit, and they get hot quick. Listening to your holy man of choice droning on for an hour is much easy to take if you have cool air blowing on you. While we are on it, let every one sit for the ceremony, no one needs to stand to hear a holy man ramble.

Have an open bar. Maybe not all night, but for an hour or two. We came for your special day, brought a gift, and have endured whatever show you decided to put on. The very least you could do is give your guest a few free drinks to make the evening seems a little better. No one should need to pay 10$ for a drink at a wedding. In fact, for being there, and bringing a gift, you should get all the booze you can drink.

Just a few ideas to make the day go better. In the end, most marriage end in divorce, so we should make the wedding day as good as it can possibly be for all parties involved. Keep the drunks out of the toast, blast the AC, and keep the free drinks coming.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Worst Fake News of 2011.

Happy new year everyone. Before we get into all that 2012 will have to offer we are going to look back at some of the so called news of the last year. All of these items had a lot of time spent on them in the news despite having no real effect on the world at large. Some of these items had a bit of entertainment value, however the news reporting is not about entertainment but rather information about world effecting events.

Casey Anthony and her trail. She is a woman who more than likely killed her own daughter. While that is sad, and certainly worth a passing reference, there was no reason for this to be a nightly story for over a month. She was found innocent, and has gone on to nothing. Such is exactly what should happen, murder, trial, verdict, and drop off the map. The question remains why anyone gave a damn in the first place?

Charlie Sheen, the human train wreck.He is a man that used to make movies, and then made a mediocre television show. His delusions and chemical abuses lead him to being fired. While it was fun to watch him burnout, what he was doing was hardly news worthy. This was something to read about in supermarket tabloids, not something worth seeing on the real news. An actor more famous for his exploits with hookers than for his acting, is now found to have serious drug and alcohol problems, this all leads to him being kicked off TV. Did any of this come as a shock?

Two marriages got a lot of attention on the news. One was the British royal wedding, the other was Kim Kardashian's trying out marriage for a few weeks. Neither of these deserved much, if any, reporting. Prince William is a royal, but why anyone outside of his country cared about his wedding is a bit of a mystery. The US is not a place Prince William will reign over, but he is a world leader (of sorts... more figurehead) so a casual mention on the news is alright, just not the weeks of coverage we gave him. The other wedding was Kim Kardashian getting married to what seemed to be a high functioning retard. She is famous for being rich, and making a sex tape. The sex tape was not with man she married either, this might be part of the reason the marriage didn't go so well.  Either way, who thought it would last, and who cared about a bitchy woman taking a tall mentally challenged man as her husband?

Hopefully this new year will have less fake news. Sadly, it will likely be quite the opposite. Seems like the news gets a little more dumbed-down every year.