Merry Christmas to all my readers, and merry Christmas to all my haters.
Merry Christmas to all claiming offense for attention. May you get the attention you want, and move on to your next fix.
Merry Christmas to every overworked retail employ. Sorry about the costumers that blame you for their problems. January will be slow, at least once the returns are done being made, and the gift cards are squandered.
Merry Christmas to the spoiled children that will bitch about whatever they get.
Merry Christmas to the bell ringer. I give you a donation if you would just stop with the noise.
Merry Christmas to the hookers, your doing god's work.
Merry Christmas to all holiday drunks, may the bottle actually help you for a change.
Merry Christmas to fan of things that can't be bothered to stay current.
Merry Christmas to the people that say "Happy Holidays"
Merry Christmas to you, good will and all that, now do us all a favor and pull your head out of your ass.
Showing posts with label drunks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drunks. Show all posts
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Last post this year.
Well this is the end of the third year of this blog. It is great that there are readers that come here every week. Lets not end the year on a negative note. Instead, lets be a little positive.
Long term readers of this blog will know that we are not generally kind to Christmas here, so lets talk about the good parts of the holiday season. In fact lets have a top ten of good things about this time of year.
10. My mothers banana bread. I know only I get to enjoy, but still I love it.
9. Seeing the smiles of friends as they open gifts.
8. Giving a little cash to charity.
7. Reconnection with those you are estranged from.
6. Steam sale.
5. Cheap candy the day after Christmas.
4. Shopping violence.
3. Suicide rates go up. Always gives me hopes that one of my enemies will end it all.
2. Hearing the wistful stories of holiday drunks.
1. Being incredibly grateful to not be working retail this holiday season.
Long term readers of this blog will know that we are not generally kind to Christmas here, so lets talk about the good parts of the holiday season. In fact lets have a top ten of good things about this time of year.
10. My mothers banana bread. I know only I get to enjoy, but still I love it.
9. Seeing the smiles of friends as they open gifts.
8. Giving a little cash to charity.
7. Reconnection with those you are estranged from.
6. Steam sale.
5. Cheap candy the day after Christmas.
4. Shopping violence.
3. Suicide rates go up. Always gives me hopes that one of my enemies will end it all.
2. Hearing the wistful stories of holiday drunks.
1. Being incredibly grateful to not be working retail this holiday season.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Weddings.
Marriage, the union of two people. Two people coming together for love, or at least economic reasons, maybe forever, more like not. It is a day about the couple, all eyes on them, and is a lovely event if done right. Sadly as time goes on more and more annoying bullshit sneaks into the ceremony and the event surrounding it. The idea of a wedding is sound, it is just that it needs a little work.
Drunks need to stop giving toasts. The newly weds should get a few toast, form family and friends, parents and loved ones. Can we just make sure the people giving them are relatively sober. No one needs a drunk girl rambling on for 10 minutes about "good times" she had with the bride. Nor do we need the a male friend telling an embarrassing story about the groom. Toast should be loving word, well wishing, and maybe small pearls of wisdom. They should never be about that "time we experimented together" or "when my bro totally got crabs that time".
Weddings need air conditioning. Don't do the ceremony outside, do it inside of a place that has some air conditioning. Every man is in a black suit, and they get hot quick. Listening to your holy man of choice droning on for an hour is much easy to take if you have cool air blowing on you. While we are on it, let every one sit for the ceremony, no one needs to stand to hear a holy man ramble.
Have an open bar. Maybe not all night, but for an hour or two. We came for your special day, brought a gift, and have endured whatever show you decided to put on. The very least you could do is give your guest a few free drinks to make the evening seems a little better. No one should need to pay 10$ for a drink at a wedding. In fact, for being there, and bringing a gift, you should get all the booze you can drink.
Just a few ideas to make the day go better. In the end, most marriage end in divorce, so we should make the wedding day as good as it can possibly be for all parties involved. Keep the drunks out of the toast, blast the AC, and keep the free drinks coming.
Drunks need to stop giving toasts. The newly weds should get a few toast, form family and friends, parents and loved ones. Can we just make sure the people giving them are relatively sober. No one needs a drunk girl rambling on for 10 minutes about "good times" she had with the bride. Nor do we need the a male friend telling an embarrassing story about the groom. Toast should be loving word, well wishing, and maybe small pearls of wisdom. They should never be about that "time we experimented together" or "when my bro totally got crabs that time".
Weddings need air conditioning. Don't do the ceremony outside, do it inside of a place that has some air conditioning. Every man is in a black suit, and they get hot quick. Listening to your holy man of choice droning on for an hour is much easy to take if you have cool air blowing on you. While we are on it, let every one sit for the ceremony, no one needs to stand to hear a holy man ramble.
Have an open bar. Maybe not all night, but for an hour or two. We came for your special day, brought a gift, and have endured whatever show you decided to put on. The very least you could do is give your guest a few free drinks to make the evening seems a little better. No one should need to pay 10$ for a drink at a wedding. In fact, for being there, and bringing a gift, you should get all the booze you can drink.
Just a few ideas to make the day go better. In the end, most marriage end in divorce, so we should make the wedding day as good as it can possibly be for all parties involved. Keep the drunks out of the toast, blast the AC, and keep the free drinks coming.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Good things about Christmas.
If you have been reading posts on this blog you have likely caught on to the fact that Christmas is not held in very high esteem around here. Yes, it is true there is a lot to hate about this time of year, but it can't all be bad. While most of it is bad there are a few things that are at least tolerable.
You get free shit. Yeah, it might sound greedy, but the fact is you get gifts. Might not be what you really want, but you can always return it for some cash. The best of gift are things you want to buy yourself but don't have the cash for, a bottle of good liquor, or some high end electronics. At worst you get cash from returning the item, or get a gift card which is like cash only less useful.
It is alright to get drunk in front of others. People give you a pass around the holidays if you want to have a few too many drinks. People know depression hits hardest around the holidays and will look the other way if you have a gallon of eggnog or vodka. If you are a holiday drunk no one thinks twice, just as long as you don't let on you are drunk during the rest of the year.
Christmas themed porn. It cums way more than once a year.
So remember, it is not all negativity around here.
You get free shit. Yeah, it might sound greedy, but the fact is you get gifts. Might not be what you really want, but you can always return it for some cash. The best of gift are things you want to buy yourself but don't have the cash for, a bottle of good liquor, or some high end electronics. At worst you get cash from returning the item, or get a gift card which is like cash only less useful.
It is alright to get drunk in front of others. People give you a pass around the holidays if you want to have a few too many drinks. People know depression hits hardest around the holidays and will look the other way if you have a gallon of eggnog or vodka. If you are a holiday drunk no one thinks twice, just as long as you don't let on you are drunk during the rest of the year.
Christmas themed porn. It cums way more than once a year.
So remember, it is not all negativity around here.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Drunk Driving.
Sometimes it is the only way to get your car back to your home. If you leave the car in the bar parking lot, it will be towed. So you can either drive it, or pay a massive impound fee. It might sound bad, but honestly who else is on the street at 2am? You are only a risk too yourself, and other drunk drivers. Yes, if you get pulled over you risk a DUI, but a chance of a DUI is better than definite impound fee.
Yeah, every so often a family might get hit, but really all that means is fewer children screaming in restaurants, and really that is something we can all enjoy. Also, who are these people driving around at night with there children? I submit to you they are overwhelmed parents looking for a way out. Drunk drivers are just the tool they chose to use, like a much lazier version of "suicide by cop".
Also, there is something worse than drunk driving, it is driving while an asshole.
Yeah, every so often a family might get hit, but really all that means is fewer children screaming in restaurants, and really that is something we can all enjoy. Also, who are these people driving around at night with there children? I submit to you they are overwhelmed parents looking for a way out. Drunk drivers are just the tool they chose to use, like a much lazier version of "suicide by cop".
Also, there is something worse than drunk driving, it is driving while an asshole.
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