Retail "Joys"

Everyone has worked retail at one time or another. If you haven't, you were more than likely born with a silver spoon shoved squarely up your ass. There are certain people that every retail employ has to deal with at one time or another. Doesn't matter where you worked, from Wal Mart to Nordstrom, the dressing might change but the costumer underneath is the same everywhere.

The "But they have it at _____" guy. This costumer wants something that your store does not carry. They come in to inform you that the local competition does have it. They seem to be under the impression that if your competitor carries it, and they inform you of it,  somehow magically it will appear in the store. It won't. If you want that item, please go to the competition, and never come back here.

Then there is the "Oh, I have a coupon.. but I think it is at home, can I use it anyway?" dumb-ass. No, you can't, not now, not ever. If you want to use a coupon, you need it with you at time of purchase. No amount of bitching at the register will make up give you a discount. Oddly enough you get this person more at place that don't actually ever have coupons. This might be the dumbest type of customer in existence, or maybe the one with the biggest balls, but then the two aren't mutually exclusive.

Oh and the "When will this be on sale?" asshole. As if the costumer service level person would know. The best answer to this person is "It was on sale a week or two a go, you just missed it by that much". It will go on sale whenever the hire ups feel like it, no one you can talk to can influence that. You will waste more money on the gas coming here to check that you will ever save on the product.

Welcome to your personal hell.

Working retail is a hell we all go through. Some people stay there forever, some move on to entirely different hells. In the end all we can do is laugh at it, because it hurts less than crying. Bonus points to you if ever told your manager what you really thought.

Ideas Vol. 4

Yet again it is time for a grab bag of ideas.

1.  Whatever happened to tan lines?

Don't you miss them? Women used to have them, not any more. Where did they go? Why did they fall from grace? I liked to see them, never heard anyone complain about them. Wasn't nice to see that deep baked in brown next to that smooth milky white? Style is cyclic, so sooner or later they should make a comeback. Sadly I could not find a safe for work picture for this.

2. Think Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson are hanging out in hell?

You know they are both there. Or do they keep crack whores and pedophiles separated? Is there perhaps a special celebrity wing?  

3. Church People.

Some people think that if church is involved it makes anything and everything alright. While leaving church a friend of mine got a ticket. He was making a left turn where it was illegal to do so, as it is right turn only out of the church parking lot. He says "I told the cop I was leaving church, and he still gave me a ticket", he doesn't seem to understand that the church part doesn't matter to the cop, or anyone else for that matter. It doesn't matter if you go to church, your still an asshole. 

Insomnia.

Insomnia is something I deal with on a regular basis. There is no good way to deal with it. You can ride it out and feel and look like hell the next morning, or you can take some pills that will ensure you are half dead and slow the next morning. Neither opinion is very good. You might think a exercise will grant you rest, it won't just adds "soreness" to the list of hells of the night after. All of this would be fine, if not for the two other problems that come with insomnia.

The two worst parts of insomnia are: the large amount of useless advice you get that doesn't help, and the lack of anything to blame it on. So the worst parts are well meaning assholes, and that horrid question "why?". These things are not pet peeves, they may just be major psychotic hatreds for me. 

The advice never helps, as it comes from people that have never had a real problem with insomnia. It comes in three basic flavors. There is the "do this before bed", the "do this during the day", and worst of all "can't you just close your eye and be asleep?". Honestly, if I could just close my eye and be asleep, do you think I would have this problem?

The other problem is that there doesn't seem to be a root cause for insomnia. It simple comes on, and the hell begins. It goes away, but it will be back. It is like psychological herpes, doesn't bother you every day, but when it does...