These are just a few question that don't seem to have answers. Maybe you have some answers. These will be numbered for that purpose.
1. Is it wrong to use "Blow the rape whistle" as a double entendre?
2. What is it the Kardashians are famous for exactly?
3. "Fuck, Marry, Kill", why can't it be all three?
4. So what is the proof that Jesus actually existed?
5. Ayn Rand was really a dude right?
6. Why do we need to save the whales?
7. When will people finally turn on Blizzard?
8. How does Denny's stay in business?
9. Is it just me or does the current pope seem a little atheistic?
10. Is it the tuna or the dolphin that makes "tuna" so tasty?
11. Why it is called a "Denver boot"?
12. How the hell is Adam Sandler keep making money?
13. Will there ever be a good Lovecraft based movie?
14. If the early bird gets the worm, then shouldn't the worm sleep in?
15. Warm beer.... WHY?????
Showing posts with label beer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beer. Show all posts
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Happy Saint Patrick's Day
Happy Saint Patrick's day. May you all get drunk and get laid. Today everyone is just a little Irish, except maybe the Italians.
This year the hangover tomorrow will be a bit worse than usual. Tomorrow is Monday, and that is the worst day of the week to wake up with a hangover. To make matters worse, it has only been a week since daylight savings time and no one is really adjusted yet. If your boss has a problem with you being in a little less than top from, follow another Irish tradition and punch your boss till they stops moving.
Hope you enjoy the day, and a drink or too. Eat a potato, and a bit of corned beef. Sign a sweet song, and forget to wear a rubber. Have a good time, and in the morning know you had a great time you will never remember.
This year the hangover tomorrow will be a bit worse than usual. Tomorrow is Monday, and that is the worst day of the week to wake up with a hangover. To make matters worse, it has only been a week since daylight savings time and no one is really adjusted yet. If your boss has a problem with you being in a little less than top from, follow another Irish tradition and punch your boss till they stops moving.
Hope you enjoy the day, and a drink or too. Eat a potato, and a bit of corned beef. Sign a sweet song, and forget to wear a rubber. Have a good time, and in the morning know you had a great time you will never remember.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Two Things, One Serious, One not so much.
Alright, two things today. First the more serious. I wold like to get more eyes on this blog, and more eyes on my various YouTube videos (channel right at the top of the page). Problem is, I have no idea how to do that. Does anyone? I would love any advice. I want to make people laugh, but you can't do that without an audience. This is not meant as a plea for help, or a cry for attention, this is just something on my mind I wanted to share with the good readers(or is viewers the right term) that I have. Thank you.
Now on to more usual schitck...
The Halloween time has stirred up some thoughts on horror. Not only horror, but fantasy and science fiction as well. These all being genres associated with Halloween to varying degrees. All get a bit of a spotlight on them for the month of October.
Are zombies and animated skeletons connected in some way? Does a zombie at a certain point become skeleton? Like if the zombie's flesh were to completely rot away, would the zombie then simply become an animated skeleton? Or are they completely unrelated? Sure they are both undead, beyond that are more closely connected?
While on the subject of zombies, do the cognitive abilities of a zombie degrade over time? When first risen, or turned, is a zombie at its peak? Or does it become better with age? Is a zombie more like beer or wine? If zombie are made by some kind of disease or infection, are some people more resistant than others? And would natural mutations lead to different breeds of zombie?
Has there ever been a medieval fantasy in which the adviser to the king wasn't corrupt? Seems like adviser, consort, vizier, or whatever, is not just corrupt but grossly corrupt. Shouldn't there be some screening for this kind of job? To work at a retail store you need a back ground check and a drug test, shouldn't someone with the ear of the king get at least the same treatment? Or are all of them just political douchebags that got where they are at with bribes and ass kissing? Seems like some tighter standards should be held by kings.
Now on to more usual schitck...
The Halloween time has stirred up some thoughts on horror. Not only horror, but fantasy and science fiction as well. These all being genres associated with Halloween to varying degrees. All get a bit of a spotlight on them for the month of October.
Are zombies and animated skeletons connected in some way? Does a zombie at a certain point become skeleton? Like if the zombie's flesh were to completely rot away, would the zombie then simply become an animated skeleton? Or are they completely unrelated? Sure they are both undead, beyond that are more closely connected?
While on the subject of zombies, do the cognitive abilities of a zombie degrade over time? When first risen, or turned, is a zombie at its peak? Or does it become better with age? Is a zombie more like beer or wine? If zombie are made by some kind of disease or infection, are some people more resistant than others? And would natural mutations lead to different breeds of zombie?
Has there ever been a medieval fantasy in which the adviser to the king wasn't corrupt? Seems like adviser, consort, vizier, or whatever, is not just corrupt but grossly corrupt. Shouldn't there be some screening for this kind of job? To work at a retail store you need a back ground check and a drug test, shouldn't someone with the ear of the king get at least the same treatment? Or are all of them just political douchebags that got where they are at with bribes and ass kissing? Seems like some tighter standards should be held by kings.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Pet Peeves.
This is just a series of things that have been on my mind lately. Some people might call them pet peeves, but I am to angry for that, these are major psychotic hatreds that will one day make me snap. Feel bad for whoever is around me when that happen.
Young people that think they can solve the worlds problems. Your 19, and you think you can fix the world, but by the time you hit 23 you will have given up, and will begin to hate the person you were at 19. You can't fix the world, so please shut the hell up.
People with high ideals. They are never based in reality. There is another universe in which your ideal are practical, we don't exist in that one.
High pitched anything. Shut all children up, and oil all metal on metal contact. Duct tape and WD-40 exist for a reason.
Abusive people. Ironically these people just need a good beating. They needed one, and never got one. Might be too late now. Guess we will need to use a gun on them.
Fanboys. I don't care what you are into, nothing you say will make me care. Also how is it that fanboys are always have horrid personal hygiene, but everything they own related to their obsession is squeaky clean?
Openly religious people. Keep your imaginary friend to yourself. These people might just be fanboys themselves.
People obsessed with "reality" tv. It is just really poorly done fiction.
People that don't speak the native language of the country they are in. When I go to Canada I speak french where appropriate. When in Mexico I speak Spanish. I might not speak them perfectly, but at least I try. Is expecting the same form other so much?
Old women trying to look a lot younger than they are, it just makes it more obvious you are old bitch. Dress your age, you have never fooled anyone. The young dudes that come up to you are only there because they know you are an easy target.
People that can't hold their liquor. Man up light weight. Build your tolerance, and drink with pride.
Stoners that only talk about "legalizing it". One day it will happen, but nothing you are doing on your couch is going to speed it along.
Chicks that don't make with the head.
People that censor anything. It doesn't matter that you are offended. People can express themselves however they want. If you don't like it, ignore it, walk away from it, express yourself in a way opposed to them.
5 dollar pizzas. Yeah they are cheap, but they suck. I would rather spend 10 and get decent pizza. Better still, lets get 25 together and get a good, or maybe even great, pizza.
Anyone super into an "indy" scene. Independent stuff is just like regular stuff, 10% is great, 10% is crap, and the other 80% is in the middle. It doesn't matter if it is music, movie, video games, or anything else.
Flavored beer. I want beer to taste like beer. I don't want it to taste like fruit, or like sugar, or coffee, or any other flavor. Beer is its own flavor, and it is great flavor all on its own.
Young people that think they can solve the worlds problems. Your 19, and you think you can fix the world, but by the time you hit 23 you will have given up, and will begin to hate the person you were at 19. You can't fix the world, so please shut the hell up.
People with high ideals. They are never based in reality. There is another universe in which your ideal are practical, we don't exist in that one.
High pitched anything. Shut all children up, and oil all metal on metal contact. Duct tape and WD-40 exist for a reason.
Abusive people. Ironically these people just need a good beating. They needed one, and never got one. Might be too late now. Guess we will need to use a gun on them.
Fanboys. I don't care what you are into, nothing you say will make me care. Also how is it that fanboys are always have horrid personal hygiene, but everything they own related to their obsession is squeaky clean?
Openly religious people. Keep your imaginary friend to yourself. These people might just be fanboys themselves.
People obsessed with "reality" tv. It is just really poorly done fiction.
People that don't speak the native language of the country they are in. When I go to Canada I speak french where appropriate. When in Mexico I speak Spanish. I might not speak them perfectly, but at least I try. Is expecting the same form other so much?
Old women trying to look a lot younger than they are, it just makes it more obvious you are old bitch. Dress your age, you have never fooled anyone. The young dudes that come up to you are only there because they know you are an easy target.
People that can't hold their liquor. Man up light weight. Build your tolerance, and drink with pride.
Stoners that only talk about "legalizing it". One day it will happen, but nothing you are doing on your couch is going to speed it along.
Chicks that don't make with the head.
People that censor anything. It doesn't matter that you are offended. People can express themselves however they want. If you don't like it, ignore it, walk away from it, express yourself in a way opposed to them.
5 dollar pizzas. Yeah they are cheap, but they suck. I would rather spend 10 and get decent pizza. Better still, lets get 25 together and get a good, or maybe even great, pizza.
Anyone super into an "indy" scene. Independent stuff is just like regular stuff, 10% is great, 10% is crap, and the other 80% is in the middle. It doesn't matter if it is music, movie, video games, or anything else.
Flavored beer. I want beer to taste like beer. I don't want it to taste like fruit, or like sugar, or coffee, or any other flavor. Beer is its own flavor, and it is great flavor all on its own.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
St Patrick's Day
Oh, what a fine holiday. Everyone in green, everywhere drinks are cheap, and everyone that doesn't drink hides for fear of the party. It is the one day a year where public drunkenness is not a crime, but a requirement to be outside. No one judges you for having 30 drinks, in fact people will wonder why you are stopping so soon. Everybody is a little bit Irish this day, and everyone is well over the legal limit.
Have a all the drinks you want, but make sure they are Irish. Whiskey and beer are the obvious options, whiskey is for the serious, and beer is for everyone else. Irish beer comes in all shades, form the darkness of Guinness, to he pale of Harp Lager. Failing an Irish drink at least make sure it is green. Needless to say, there is no room for wine, wine coolers, or things of that nature.
In addition to drinking there are other things to do. Singing off key, darts, a good drunken fight, and drinking contest are also fun. The difference between drinking, and a drinking contest, is the difference between armature and professional sports. Even if you don't drink, key a drink in your hand at all times, you don't want be stuck driving.
Of course this day will lead to a hangover the next day. Next week we will talk about how to deal with that problem.
Have a all the drinks you want, but make sure they are Irish. Whiskey and beer are the obvious options, whiskey is for the serious, and beer is for everyone else. Irish beer comes in all shades, form the darkness of Guinness, to he pale of Harp Lager. Failing an Irish drink at least make sure it is green. Needless to say, there is no room for wine, wine coolers, or things of that nature.
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| Doesn't look good? |
In addition to drinking there are other things to do. Singing off key, darts, a good drunken fight, and drinking contest are also fun. The difference between drinking, and a drinking contest, is the difference between armature and professional sports. Even if you don't drink, key a drink in your hand at all times, you don't want be stuck driving.
Of course this day will lead to a hangover the next day. Next week we will talk about how to deal with that problem.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Ideas Vol. 1
This is just a list of things that don't need there own entry.
1. A section for people without children at restaurants.
You go into a restaurant to enjoy a meal, your food arrives just a the kid at the next table starts to scream. The parents do nothing about it. So I why not have a a "No Child" section, just as there was once a "No Smoking" section. Never again will your meal be ruined by some loud little bastard. However, the waiters/waitresses working in the "With Children" section should get some hazard pay.
2. A coffee house that serves beer.
No not just a bar. This is a place for all the people dragged along to coffee horses that don't actually like to drink coffee. So while everyone else has their caffeine fix, you can enjoy your favorite beer. I imagine there would be some friction at first between the coffee drinkers and beer drinkers, but at the end of the day mutual hate of wine drinkers would lead to peace.
3. Remove the stigma around being an asshole.
At the very least 19 our of 20 people are assholes. So why is it still an insult? When asshole is the norm, we either need to redefine the term, or just use it to refer to all people. Seriously, after a moment of honest reflection, can you name one person that isn't an asshole? I didn't think so.
1. A section for people without children at restaurants.
You go into a restaurant to enjoy a meal, your food arrives just a the kid at the next table starts to scream. The parents do nothing about it. So I why not have a a "No Child" section, just as there was once a "No Smoking" section. Never again will your meal be ruined by some loud little bastard. However, the waiters/waitresses working in the "With Children" section should get some hazard pay.
2. A coffee house that serves beer.
No not just a bar. This is a place for all the people dragged along to coffee horses that don't actually like to drink coffee. So while everyone else has their caffeine fix, you can enjoy your favorite beer. I imagine there would be some friction at first between the coffee drinkers and beer drinkers, but at the end of the day mutual hate of wine drinkers would lead to peace.
3. Remove the stigma around being an asshole.
At the very least 19 our of 20 people are assholes. So why is it still an insult? When asshole is the norm, we either need to redefine the term, or just use it to refer to all people. Seriously, after a moment of honest reflection, can you name one person that isn't an asshole? I didn't think so.
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