More Celebrity Punching

Some people wanted to know if I dreamed of assaulting celebrities other than Will Ferrell. Will if you have been paying attention, you already know the answer is yes. So, lets name some names

Tom Cruise

He seems like nice guy. Might be a little nutty. Yet, there is something about him that is very punchable. Might be his track record of horrid movies, might be the "nice guy" act is wearing a bit thin. Regaurdless, he needs a little beating.

Jon Heder

Not sure if he is still a celebrity. Don't know a thing about the man either. All I know is he godawful in every movie I have seen him in.

Everyone that was a cast member of featured player on SNL from 1995 on. Many before that too.

Only the dudes. I don't get violent with women; it is however very tempting here.

This might seem lazy to you, but seriously every single rapper, country music start, and reality TV star. No picture for this one, I feel like looking for one would make me vomit. For the record, rap isn't music. Country takes no talent. Reality TV is a cancer on reality.

Daylight Savings Time

It is that time again. The time when an hour is lost. We set the clocks a head an hour, and lose an hour of sleep. Or we sleep in for an extra hour (according to the clock anyway), and completely destroy what passes for a sleeping pattern. Some might ask why do this, and the good news is there are a few theories.

The idea that makes the most since is to further torture insomniacs. What that your lucky to get 3 hours of sleep at a go? Good news, your going to be cutting back on that!

As it now takes place in March, used to happen in April, it could be a scam to make the hangovers from Saint Patrick's Day even worse.  Too early for that you say? That is the great genius of this scam. You think that doing the week before gives you enough time to adjust. It does not.

Could be that there is no real reason. It is just a collective expression of masochism by the American public. This is just a sign that the average person's self-hatred has gotten to critical levels. Not sure how it got this bad. Reality TV might be part of this self-hatred, or be another sign of it.

Well this time of year is a special hell all its own. So happy Saint Patrick's Day, know that hang over will hit just a little harder this year, thanks to daylight savings. Have an exhausted day.

Things I miss.

Just reflecting on somethings that are gone, never to return. So here are a few things I miss. Maybe you miss them too. Maybe you are glad to see them gone. Either way, these things aren't coming back.

TV before "Reality TV". You know when television shows were more than whores trying to turn a complete lack of talent into drama. Sadly it is so cheap to make that it will never go away. No matter how little anyone watches, it makes more than its money back.

Violence in schools. Once upon a time you a student could deal with their fellow students by beating them till they left you the hell alone. Now there is this "zero tolerance" bullshit. This lets mouthy little bastards get away with whatever they want, they never learn a lesson about running their mouths. We need to let children fight, so ever little shit losses their baby teeth by force.

When you could easily tell which women were whores. Now almost every woman dresses like a whore. It is god damn confusing. Sure, it is some nice eye candy, but it is also a tease.

The 16-bit era of gaming. There were so many new ideas, so many directions that one could go with the medium. Gritty and realistic is nice, but I don't want entertainment to always be realistic. It was also nice to see a protagonist that wasn't a militant douche, or a criminal. Also, back then not nearly as many franchises turned to shit.

When the job market was good. Mostly for the money.

The days before everyone had a camera. Cell phones have made it so much hard to get away with various crimes. Its like the deck is stacked against you now.

My own sanity. Like Ozzy said "Of all the things I miss, I miss my mind the most". It is debatable if said it first, but the meaning is what matters. The horrors of reality slowly twist the mind, and a mind can only twist so far before it can stand no more.

Pet Peeves.

This is just a series of things that have been on my mind lately. Some people might call them pet peeves, but I am to angry for that, these are major psychotic hatreds that will one day make me snap. Feel bad for whoever is around me when that happen.

Young people that think they can solve the worlds problems. Your 19, and you think you can fix the world, but by the time you hit 23 you will have given up, and will begin to hate the person you were at 19. You can't fix the world, so please shut the hell up.

People with high ideals. They are never based in reality. There is another universe in which your ideal are practical, we don't exist in that one.

High pitched anything. Shut all children up, and oil all metal on metal contact. Duct tape and WD-40 exist for a reason.

Abusive people. Ironically these people just need a good beating. They needed one, and never got one. Might be too late now. Guess we will need to use a gun on them.

Fanboys. I don't care what you are into, nothing you say will make me care. Also how is it that fanboys are always have horrid personal hygiene, but everything they own related to their obsession is squeaky clean?

Openly religious people. Keep your imaginary friend to yourself. These people might just be fanboys themselves.

People obsessed with "reality" tv. It is just really poorly done fiction.

People that don't speak the native language of the country they are in. When I go to Canada I speak french where appropriate. When in Mexico I speak Spanish. I might not speak them perfectly, but at least I try. Is expecting the same form other so much?

Old women trying to look a lot younger than they are, it just makes it more obvious you are old bitch. Dress your age, you have never fooled anyone. The young dudes that come up to you are only there because they know you are an easy target.

People that can't hold their liquor. Man up light weight. Build your tolerance, and drink with pride.

Stoners that only talk about "legalizing it". One day it will happen, but nothing you are doing on your couch is going to speed it along.

Chicks that don't make with the head.

People that censor anything. It doesn't matter that you are offended. People can express themselves however they want. If you don't like it, ignore it, walk away from it, express yourself in a way opposed to them.

5 dollar pizzas. Yeah they are cheap, but they suck. I would rather spend 10 and get decent pizza. Better still, lets get 25 together and get a good, or maybe even great, pizza.

Anyone super into an "indy" scene. Independent stuff is just like regular stuff, 10% is great, 10% is crap, and the other 80% is in the middle. It doesn't matter if it is music, movie, video games, or anything else.

Flavored beer. I want beer to taste like beer. I don't want it to taste like fruit, or like sugar, or coffee, or any other flavor. Beer is its own flavor, and it is great flavor all on its own. 

Reality TV.

I know it has been here for at least 10 years, but I still hate both the concept and execution of reality television. I know why it stay around, it costs very little to produce, and gets a decent number of viewers. However, it is not real, it is made to seem more than it is. It is not all the same, it comes in a few flavors, but all of them are equally exaggerated through editing and other tricks.

The many forms of reality television all are base around the idea that people love to see others do embarrassing things. It can be a washed up celebrity being follow around, or a someone that can't sing, or a man yelling at the owners of business, a group of spoiled bitchy people and their lives, and many other equally intellectually void forms, shapes, and flavors. All of them based on embarrassment, shame, and spectacle of how people can really be this blind to what is really happening.

Disgusting as I find it all, I see that is does make money. So here are a few ideas of my own for the reality television producers:

1. Russian Roulette with the "Stars". We take the lowest tier celebrities, and whichever survives the game gets a 3 picture deal to try and raise their falling stardom.

2. Blind and Deaf on a minefield. This needs no explanation.

3. Who wants to be seen as a douche bag for the rest of their life? This is really what all of it boils down to.

Things that aren't news.

News reporters go on about certain topics and people that have no real business being material for the news. They are things that don't really effect the world, or the audience personally, so therefore have no need to be reported on.  If we could eliminate these topics from the news, I think it would improve the minds of millions.
   
1. Sarah Palin. I know she directs her  bus tour to go where ever real news is happening. That doesn't make what she is doing news. In fact unless she has signed a contract with Naughty America, nothing she could be doing is worth national attention. 

2. Conrad Murray, the guy on trial for killing Michael Jackson. I don't know if he is guilty, nor do I care. If he is guilty, all he did was kill a pedophile, and that seems more like a public service than a crime. If he did it, we should give him a parade and move on.

3. The Kardashian family. What is it these people do? I have yet to get an answer to this. It seems to be spoiled bitchy women that try to be the center of attention. Why are we validating this behavior?

4. Anything to do with reality TV and the "stars" there of. If we all stop watching they will go away. We need to work together on this.