Education.

While I was in a waiting room a child asked me what school was like. He was going into kindergarten, and wanted to know what to expect. I was first surprised that a child so young would approach me being large and bearded, but secondly rather at a loss for what to tell the child about k-12 public education. The boy's mother came up and got him before I could answer, she seemed worried, but the child was in no danger. Since then I have tried to think of a way to describe k-12 education, here are a few of my thoughts.

If I were to be bluntly honest, I would say school is 7 to 8 hours a day of psychological torture and emotional abuse. Most actual learning will be done alone on your time, and teacher will serve only to get in the way of the process. I guess the teachers are mostly acting as an obstacle so they feel like they earned their paycheck. This is clearly not something to tell a child, so perhaps speaking more symbolically would help.

School is basically a raping of the mind. Only when you don't enjoy being raped, you are told it is "for your own good", and that you will "look back on it fondly someday". Gang rape might be more accurate, do to the fact you will deal with many teachers over your time in school. Here again, I think this might be a bit much to tell a child. Maybe something the child could relate to would help.

Ever watch "Tom and Jerry"? Well in school you will be Jerry, and the teacher is Tom. Only Tom never gets any comeuppance. So... basically just "Tom and Jerry" if Tom won. This feels about right, but the child might think you were talking down to them.

School is like if you saw a vast forest, and in that forest was someone tryong to cut down the trees with a sledgehammer. And when told that a saw or axe would work better, that person treats you as if you have just spoken blasphemy. In this the students are the trees, and the teachers are holding the sledgehammers. This gets across the unpleasant nature of the experience, while also hinting at where the root of the problem lays.

Suggestions.

These are just a few suggestions for the world. Some of them are small, others not so much. They just might make the world a better place.

1. We ask all the people that are frequently "offended" to grow up. You might not like something, this is no reason to throw a tantrum about it. Your personal values are not universal, and you should not be trying to force them on anyone else. Nothing is "offensive", not objectively.

2. Real sex education. We need to teach people how to fuck. In "sex ed", all you get is some technical shit, and some propaganda about STDs.  We should be teaching people how to fuck, make it so they are less uptight. People would be much happier if there was more high quality sex happening.

3. Three free murders for everyone. Only three. Use them as you see fit. Might make people a bit more polite.

4. If you successfully fight a ticket, you get the cash value of that ticket. Cops would be much more careful about who they gave tickets to. 

5. All countries should have a portion of the government that only works toward eliminating laws. There are a lot of laws, seems like we could stream line the process a bit. This would be the ONLY thing they would do.

6. We treat censorship like what it is... The symbolic equivalent of rape.

Questions.

These are just a few question that don't seem to have answers. Maybe you have some answers. These will be numbered for that purpose.

1. Is it wrong to use "Blow the rape whistle" as a double entendre?

2. What is it the Kardashians are famous for exactly?

3. "Fuck, Marry, Kill", why can't it be all three?

4. So what is the proof that Jesus actually existed?

5. Ayn Rand was really a dude right?

6. Why do we need to save the whales?

7. When will people finally turn on Blizzard?

8. How does Denny's stay in business?

9. Is it just me or does the current pope seem a little atheistic?

10. Is it the tuna or the dolphin that makes "tuna" so tasty?

11. Why it is called a "Denver boot"?

12. How the hell is Adam Sandler keep making money?

13. Will there ever be a good Lovecraft based movie?

14. If the early bird gets the worm, then shouldn't the worm sleep in?

15. Warm beer.... WHY?????

Yuletide Rapin'

I don't want to talk about Christmas. I don't want to think about it. I sure as hell had no plans to blog about it this week, or this month. Sadly, after today, I simply must. Today started alright, then I had to go buy a few things. It is when I went into stores that it became impossible to ignore Christmas.

In every store you are greeted at the door with a yuletide raping. Every where you go Santa is waiting, with his pal Jesus, to tie you down with tinsel and take turns on you with their "yule logs". Sometimes they take turns, sometimes they go both at once, it doesn't matter, they are waiting for you at every store. They also go by the motto "Blood is nature lube". In the worst of cases they let the reindeer have a go.

Everywhere you go there are poorly made decoration punishing your eyes. Screaming children and yelling adults making you wish for sweet silence of death. Every where there are heaters on, making rivers of sweat and stink. Why must everything about Christmas make to world so much worse? Why does it have to have to involve the torture of every one of the senses?

We must start a war against Christmas. We need to see that it is contained, and isolated. Make it so it only exists a week before December 25.