Your Baby Is Only Cute To You.

Why is it when people have a baby they think everyone else gives a shit? We know you are having some "buyer's remorse" about having the kid, but shoving the little freak in everyone face isn't going to make that go away. So keep that thing at home till you can teach it to be quiet and to amuse itself. 

Your baby does nothing but make annoying sounds. Do something to shut the little shit up. Please. It make nothing but high pitched gibberish, and even once it can talk it won't say anything of real value for about 20 to 25 years anyway. Can we put a ball-gag on that kid, or maybe just some duct tape over its mouth? It is like having the world's most annoying pet around when you bring this little bastard around. Also, no one is buying when you try to act like the sounds coming out of it are anything other than ear rape.

The little bastard makes everything it touches sticky. Why must it leave a trail of drool, mucus, and feces everywhere it goes? Can't we put it in to some kind of holding pen to keep it form getting this slime all over everything? Seems like the only reasonable solution to this problem. Or you could put it outside, it might enjoy that.

Your baby is ugly, just like all the other ones. No baby has ever been aesthetically pleasing. It is a fact. They are an odd, squishy little creature. Nothing that it does is pleasant to look at. It always looks like something is very wrong, and there is something wrong, you brought this thing around for us to see. Evolution as made it so this creature that squirmed out of you seems like a delight, that is only a delusion.

Seriously if I had a time machine, I would go back a few months and give you the money you needed for an abortion. Would also use it do that same trick only involving your mother and father. In fact, seems like "Time Travel Abortionist" might be the best idea ever. Might take a toll on the world and its population after a time, but think how much further along stem cell research could be.

Nothing your baby can do is impressive. Great you taught it a trick. Unless it can make money with this trick, no one cares. Right now, all you are doing is adding more reasons for other people to hate this little shit machine. Want to teach it a good trick? Teach it how to fetch beers.

Remember folks, it might be to late to abort, but adoption is still an option. Or you could do a nice murder suicide thing with you, your partner, and your little bastard. Above all, just don't bother anyone else with it.

Yuletide Rapin'

I don't want to talk about Christmas. I don't want to think about it. I sure as hell had no plans to blog about it this week, or this month. Sadly, after today, I simply must. Today started alright, then I had to go buy a few things. It is when I went into stores that it became impossible to ignore Christmas.

In every store you are greeted at the door with a yuletide raping. Every where you go Santa is waiting, with his pal Jesus, to tie you down with tinsel and take turns on you with their "yule logs". Sometimes they take turns, sometimes they go both at once, it doesn't matter, they are waiting for you at every store. They also go by the motto "Blood is nature lube". In the worst of cases they let the reindeer have a go.

Everywhere you go there are poorly made decoration punishing your eyes. Screaming children and yelling adults making you wish for sweet silence of death. Every where there are heaters on, making rivers of sweat and stink. Why must everything about Christmas make to world so much worse? Why does it have to have to involve the torture of every one of the senses?

We must start a war against Christmas. We need to see that it is contained, and isolated. Make it so it only exists a week before December 25.

Halloween Hatred.

It is no secret that that I love Halloween. Recently some people pointed out that I throw hate and insult on all the other holidays, and show only love for Halloween. This is true, there is no debating it. So today we will talk about some "pet peeves" of mine about Halloween. So let the hate being.

Anyone that has ever put a costume on their pet. This is not a holiday for pets, and no pet has ever wanted or needed to wear cloths. It is not cute, it is a sign to the world that you have, or will, made/make love to your pet at some point. A pet is not a child, you are not a parent. You an asshole with a creepy relationship with your animal.

All the religious groups that come out of the woodwork when Halloween time comes. No "god" gives a shit about Halloween. If you think your "god" does, find a better one. "Satan" has better things to do than getting people to hand out tiny candies while in costume. If "Satan" is running any holiday, it is Christmas.

Seeing the sad kid with no costume. Usually the child of an insane couple. They have some issue with Halloween (likely based in some religious gibberish), and feel the need to force it on to the child. Children have enough bullshit to deal with, there is no need to heap more on them. Let them have some free candy, and dress up like whatever it is they are into these days. 

People giving out pennies. Pennies are not candy. Pennies are just barely currency. People hand them out should get cancer, and some heavy metal poisoning for good measure. If you hand out pennies you house deserves to get egged. Go spend 20$ on some chocolate.

There is hate here, even for the only good holiday Halloween. While generally the good overshadows the bad, the bad is still there. Only a few more days left till Halloween, then the horrors (and whores) of Christmas start.