Your Baby Is Only Cute To You.

Why is it when people have a baby they think everyone else gives a shit? We know you are having some "buyer's remorse" about having the kid, but shoving the little freak in everyone face isn't going to make that go away. So keep that thing at home till you can teach it to be quiet and to amuse itself. 

Your baby does nothing but make annoying sounds. Do something to shut the little shit up. Please. It make nothing but high pitched gibberish, and even once it can talk it won't say anything of real value for about 20 to 25 years anyway. Can we put a ball-gag on that kid, or maybe just some duct tape over its mouth? It is like having the world's most annoying pet around when you bring this little bastard around. Also, no one is buying when you try to act like the sounds coming out of it are anything other than ear rape.

The little bastard makes everything it touches sticky. Why must it leave a trail of drool, mucus, and feces everywhere it goes? Can't we put it in to some kind of holding pen to keep it form getting this slime all over everything? Seems like the only reasonable solution to this problem. Or you could put it outside, it might enjoy that.

Your baby is ugly, just like all the other ones. No baby has ever been aesthetically pleasing. It is a fact. They are an odd, squishy little creature. Nothing that it does is pleasant to look at. It always looks like something is very wrong, and there is something wrong, you brought this thing around for us to see. Evolution as made it so this creature that squirmed out of you seems like a delight, that is only a delusion.

Seriously if I had a time machine, I would go back a few months and give you the money you needed for an abortion. Would also use it do that same trick only involving your mother and father. In fact, seems like "Time Travel Abortionist" might be the best idea ever. Might take a toll on the world and its population after a time, but think how much further along stem cell research could be.

Nothing your baby can do is impressive. Great you taught it a trick. Unless it can make money with this trick, no one cares. Right now, all you are doing is adding more reasons for other people to hate this little shit machine. Want to teach it a good trick? Teach it how to fetch beers.

Remember folks, it might be to late to abort, but adoption is still an option. Or you could do a nice murder suicide thing with you, your partner, and your little bastard. Above all, just don't bother anyone else with it.

Obvious Things People Don't Seem to Understand.

Lot of stupid people out there. So here is a message to all of them.

1. That big box will not fit in your car. No, I don't care how you have bullshitted yourself. Get your hands on a truck or SUV. If you have no friends with a bigger vehicle, then you don't get to buy the big TV.

2. Andrew W.K. has only one song he keeps making. "Beat beat beat name of the song".

3. Not shopping at somewhere does not make you a better person.

4. Going out of your way to shop somewhere doesn't make you a better person.

5. Your children are ugly and annoying. Also, you should of had an abortion. Your mother should have too.

6. In-N-Out Burger sucks now. What the fuck happened to the meat? It has gotten so damn small.

7. It doesn't matter who the president is. Never has, never will.

8. Alcohol is the best energy drink.

Group Dynamics.

In all groups of people there are certain dynamics that take place. Depending on what type of group certain types of people will always exist within them. While each group will vary somewhat, but so long as there are three or more people certain dynamics are in play.

In a group of men there will at the very least be three people in play. There will be the dumb guy, he may not be generally dumb, he is just not at quick as the others. The dumb one is slow with comebacks, and might not be the best at arguing a point.  Next we have the wimpy dude, he avoid confrontation at all costs, and has no opinions of his own. The wimp is in the group mainly because he needs somewhere to get his opinions from, and to have people to help him move heavy things he is to weak to move himself. The third man is the lazy man, never awake before noon, never to be relied on for anything. The lazy man is usually an expert on some area of useless information, and makes others feel better for being more motivated. These three are the most basic members of a male group. Larger groups will add more, like the driver, the fat guy, and the guy that everyone wonders why they are friends with.


Female groups also have their stock characters. In a group of women you will find: an "ugly" one, a "pretty" one, and a "bitchy" one. All of these terms are in quotes because they are very relative terms. The "ugly" girl is just less attractive than the others,  in a group of 10s she might be an 8, while and 8 is still attractive it is not as good as 10. Same applies to the "pretty" one, every one else is a 7, she is an 8, you get the point. Now the "bitch" is just the one that is generally hostile to those not in the group, she might be nice to others in the group, but if you are an outsider, or a man she simple doesn't like, watch out. Larger groups will also have: eating disorder girl (either to fat or to thin), tomboy, crazy chick, and everyone's favorite the easy chick.


Keep in mind one person might fill two roles within the group. You might have the a guy that is both the dumb guy, and the wimpy guy. No terms are necessarily a put down, sometimes the dumb guy is the leader of a group. Remember, you think your group doesn't have a certain member, it is likely you are that member.