Yes, as it that time of year, we need at least one new song parody. Hope you enjoy it.
On the first day of Christmas
my family made me:
Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the second day of Christmas
my family made me:
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the third day of Christmas
my family made me:
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the fourth day of Christmas
my family made me:
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the fifth day of Christmas
my family made me:
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the sixth day of Christmas
my family made me:
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the seventh day of Christmas
my family made me:
Beat-up seven Santas
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and a Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the eighth day of Christmas
my family made me:
Bang eight fetish hookers
Beat-up seven Santas
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and a Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the ninth day of Christmas
my family made me:
Nine shitty fruitcakes
Bang eight fetish hookers
Beat-up seven Santas
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the tenth day of Christmas
my family made me:
See ten people I hate
Nine shitty fruitcakes
Bang eight fetish hookers
Beat-up seven Santas
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the eleventh day of Christmas
my family made me:
Go to eleven malls
See ten people I hate
Nine shitty fruitcakes
Bang eight fetish hookers
Beat-up seven Santas
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
On the first day of Christmas
my family made me:
Twelve unwanted art and crafts
Go to eleven malls
See ten people I hate
Nine shitty fruitcakes
Bang eight fetish hookers
Beat-up seven Santas
Stand in six return lines
Drink a fifth of vodka
Eat four pounds of ham
Trample three unlucky shoppers
Consider Suicide twice
and Crash drunkenly into a tree
Showing posts with label christmas songs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas songs. Show all posts
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Top 5 Worst Christmas Songs
It is hard to distill the horrid music of Christmas into a list of only five. However, a list any longer would lead to endless ranting no one would want to read. So here are the worst pieces of music associated with the most dysfunctional time of the year.
5. The Christmas Shoes.
Many people hate on this song. Many people are right to do so. It is doubtful Jesus cares about your footwear, if real, he is wearing sandals, Velcro would blow his mind. I have heard this was turned into a movie, never seen it, but I assume it to be a form of eye torture, much as the song is a from of ear rape.
4. Blue Christmas.
Any version really. The Elvis version is the most common, and while Elvis is the king, this might just be the turd that killed him. There is a rumor that he didn't want to record this song, so he made changes to it, and then did an exaggerated version of his style to make them not use it on the album. No way to know if it is true, but to made a song this grinding on the nerves, one would almost need to have done it intentionally.
3. I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas.
Several problems with this one. First, there is a child singing it, no really just kind of screaming it into the microphone. Secondly, hippos are very violent and ill tempered animals, so if a child is dumb enough to want one they deserve what they get. Sadly, after it mauls the child the parents will still need to clean up the frequent muck-spreads of the hippo. Thirdly, this is just a very lazily written song.
2. I fell out of a Christmas tree.
This song is a lie. No one born on Christmas is happy about it, they are pissed people use it to get out of all the usual birthday things people do. People born on Christmas are bitter, they want a cake, and to not have every gift be "for both". Again, this is screeched out by a child singer, which takes it form a bad song, to one that is painful to listen to.
1. Jingle Bells.
Overplayed. It is a song you hear at least 10,000 times a year in one form or another. Most commonly you hear children screaming it everywhere, but not the whole thing, just the "jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way" part, over and over. If we only heard on the radio, it would be alright, but the high pitched screams of children have ruined this song.
5. The Christmas Shoes.
Many people hate on this song. Many people are right to do so. It is doubtful Jesus cares about your footwear, if real, he is wearing sandals, Velcro would blow his mind. I have heard this was turned into a movie, never seen it, but I assume it to be a form of eye torture, much as the song is a from of ear rape.
4. Blue Christmas.
Any version really. The Elvis version is the most common, and while Elvis is the king, this might just be the turd that killed him. There is a rumor that he didn't want to record this song, so he made changes to it, and then did an exaggerated version of his style to make them not use it on the album. No way to know if it is true, but to made a song this grinding on the nerves, one would almost need to have done it intentionally.
3. I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas.
Several problems with this one. First, there is a child singing it, no really just kind of screaming it into the microphone. Secondly, hippos are very violent and ill tempered animals, so if a child is dumb enough to want one they deserve what they get. Sadly, after it mauls the child the parents will still need to clean up the frequent muck-spreads of the hippo. Thirdly, this is just a very lazily written song.
2. I fell out of a Christmas tree.
This song is a lie. No one born on Christmas is happy about it, they are pissed people use it to get out of all the usual birthday things people do. People born on Christmas are bitter, they want a cake, and to not have every gift be "for both". Again, this is screeched out by a child singer, which takes it form a bad song, to one that is painful to listen to.
1. Jingle Bells.
Overplayed. It is a song you hear at least 10,000 times a year in one form or another. Most commonly you hear children screaming it everywhere, but not the whole thing, just the "jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way" part, over and over. If we only heard on the radio, it would be alright, but the high pitched screams of children have ruined this song.
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