Happy Mother's Day

Get your mother something nice this year. Flowers are nice, but try to get something a little more personal. Think for a moment about what she would like, and then get it for her. Don't be cheap, don't be thoughtless. This conclude the practical advice portion of this blog.

How do you think people with an oedipus complex feel about Mother's Day? Well they obviously have a gift they would like to give their mother, but know she wouldn't be cool with it. Needless to say, this is likely not the best time to reveal these feelings. Well... maybe... if she is REAL open-minded about things.

If you get an abortion on Mother's Day can you still celebrate? Or is the abortion itself enough of a reason to celebrate? You know the father is doing a dance after the abortion.

Fast food restaurants are even crowded on mother's day. That might just be the saddest thing about this holiday.

Fanboys.

Summer movies tend to hit and miss. However they always seem to bring fanboys out. Movies make them come out in public, out of their parent's homes, and take their lips off the barrel of a gun. They come out and act socially awkward, and overtly defensive. Worse of all, we have to deal with them. This rarely, if ever, ends well.

The fanboy is a horrid creature. One that sadly we are forced to deal with far to often this time of year. There is no known way to purge us of them, so instead we need to identify them quickly, and avoid the places they roam. Sadly if you like movies, avoiding there habitats may not be an option. Don't worry however, there numbers don't grow much as women want no part of them, and top scientist are working on a poison that will kill them and not the average person.  Donation might help their work to that end along. In the mean time, there are a few things one can look for in order to spot them. Here are five universal traits of the fanboy.

5. Defending things to the death.

They can often be found being overly defensive about legitimate criticism. Be it movie, book, comic, or game, if you say anything other then how great it is they flip out. It could be minor, but it is a word against there love, and they can't take it. Fanboys love things the way a child loves mommy, and can't take a word against mommy.

4. Creepiness.

This isn't always visual. This can happen as you are talking to them, and suddenly you notice talk on a certain subject really gets them going. When this happens, you should run. An aroused fanboy might try to rape you, and all because you talked about the last Marvel comic movie.

3. Bad Hygiene.

When you only friends are inanimate objects, you just stop caring. Oddly enough, they are filthy, but everything they are into is perfectly clean. Not a disk has a scratch on it, not page bent, somehow the grease on there hands never makes it on to their objects of obsession. This phenomenon needs study.

2. Emotionally unstable.

They get go form gleefully happy, to crying, to violently angry all in a matter of seconds. Why? Because you don't view what they love as perfect. Luckily, they are usually not in good enough shape to do much in the way of violence. A general lack of contact with others seems to cause this.

1. Claim you are not smart enough to "get it".

This is something only the most obvious and pathetic fanboys do. They know they have no way to defend there greatest love, so they try claim superiority. This is sad to see. It is very transparent, and has never really worked. Yet somehow, it has stayed as the most common defensive tactic used by the fanboy.

Donate today. We can find a cure for "fanboy" in our lifetime.

Lets Talk About Movies.

This isn't a review of any particular movie. Nor it is about any genre or theme in film. This is just about movies in a very broad sense. This is because all movies fall in to one of three categories: bad, good, and great. Certainly there is a degree to which this is based on taste, and is therefore subjective. However, regardless of taste these three broad labels still apply, it is just that they may apply to different movies based on the individual. So lets define these labels.

First we have the label that likely encompasses the most movies, that is to say "bad". A movie can be bad for any number of reasons, the script, the director, the actors, the production value, etc. It could be one of these factors, but it is likely more than one. The thing with bad movies is that they generally get worse with repeated viewings. You might of not enjoy "Your Highness" the first time, but by viewing number ten you will hate it with a burning passion. Why they get worse does change from movie to movie, and some people claim movies can be "so bad they are good", but this seems unlikely.

It gets a little worse with each viewing.

Good movies is another fairly large category.  Good movies don't get worse as you see them, but they don't get much better either. Movies of all types fall here, most properly handled genre pictures will be "good". Good movies are a varied lot, some you will watch, like, and forget about all in the same day; while others might stay with you a long time. These movies are competently made with out reaching a truly higher level. Certainly you would watch a "good" movie again, but you wouldn't get much more out of it.

Wroth a watching every so often.

This is likely the smallest category for everyone, the great movies. These are movies that get better with time and more viewings. This movies go beyond "good", they are movies that some might call "flawless". Most people will only have a extremely small handful of movies that they consider great. One that might come up more often than others is "The Godfather". For myself, it has gotten a little bit better each time I have seen.

Well I think it is "great". Maybe the sequel too.

This is all a matter of personal opinion. What is "great" to one person might just be "good" to another. As with all art, there is a huge amount of subjectivity. Still, yet to find anyone to call "Battlefield Earth" anything other than "bad".

Never Own a Truck.

You are just asking for bullshit when you own a truck. People expect you to do things. While at the same time there are things you can never do when you own a truck. Sometimes the same people that want to use you for your truck, are also pissed that you drive a truck. It is all a big bullshit headache, and one you don't want to ever deal with.

I wish my truck was this new or nice. Mine is old and not this make or model.

Helping people move. When you own a truck you are expected to help people move. Sometimes you might get paid, but even when you do the job is not worth the pay. Most of the time your lucky if you break even on the gas. This is the biggest burden of owning a truck, having to give up your weekends in exchange for a sore body and a lack of free time.

Related to the hassle of helping people move, is helping people haul things. It might be a large item from a store being taken back to there home, or it could be unwanted items being taken to the landfill. Either way it is going in your truck and you need to waste your time and gas to get rid of it. This often comes with the person that asked for your help being angry that you don't have rope with you. A truck cab is small, you can't carry extras with you at all times. Not that they care, they want free help with extras included.

Of course something you just can't do in a truck. You can't take a nap in a truck, at least not in the majority of them. Truck cabs are small, and you can't stretch out, nor can you recline the back of your seat, generally. So you are upright, and rather cramped, this is uncomfortable and this gets old fast. Anytime you have to wait in your truck for anything you find yourself wishing you could recline. Comfort is only one problem with a tiny truck cad...

The much worse problem is you can't have sex in a truck. There simply isn't room for the act. Maybe if both people were very small, but even then it would be incredibly awkward. Even road head is likely out of the question in most trucks. Your with a woman, it is going well, to bad, can't take it any further without finding a place. You can pick her up in your truck, but you won't get her off in it.

The one nice thing about having a truck is you never have to drive your group of friends. Of course this will piss of members of that group. Never mind that you spend every weekend help them move there shit from here to there. It is suddenly a real issue that they own a 4 seat vehicle and you don't. The restaurant is only three blocks away not across town, and it is only one trip in your car, not 4 loads of furniture in a truck across town. If they are going to bitch you can't drive the group, then they need to start coughing up more cash when they need help in the form of a truck.

So truck ownership, don't do it. Get yourself a two door car. That way no one will ever ask you for anything. While technically it has four seats, they are too small and cramped for anyone to ever want to ride in them.

Superman Pros and Cons

This is a bit off my regular schedule, but I wanted to share this with you all.

Tell me what you think.

Second Attempt at "Micro Reviews"

Last week, in addition to some other ideas, I mentioned the concept of "micro reviews". That is to say review that are very quick and done go into great depth. Also, I posted my first, and honestly rather weak attempt. Today  I want to share my second attempt.

It is much longer, and concerns more games. This video is about all of the various Mario RPGs that have been made. So here it is.

I would welcome any and all feedback. This seems better to me than my first attempt, but still could be greatly improved. Any advice would be welcome.

Thank you kindly for watching and your feedback.

Ideas Vol. 6

It has been a while since the last time the last "ideas" post, so time to fix that.

1. The ability to send smells over the phone or text message.

Imagine if you could send more than a text, more than a picture. Think about when you are eating some quality food, if you could send out a picture of it that would also capture the delicious aroma. Or on the other end of the spectrum, what if you could send out a truly rancid fart to everyone you know. Think of the great experiences that could be shared with the aid of smell.

2. Poetry for the common man.

How about some poetry an average Joe could relate to? Maybe something about going home, taking a shit, drinking a beer, rubbing one out, and going to bed. Now that would be something for the average man. Or some nice poems about how good that stripper's ass looks? That would be inspirational. How about a poem about all the disappointments of life, but being to much of a pussy to just end it? That would strike a cord with a lot of people.

3. Micro Reviews.

Everyone does long detailed reviews, why not just do short reviews. Just a few sentences. Now this idea I am actually experimenting with. Here is the first attempt. There are more than a few problems with it, but I think the core idea is sound.