Just reflecting on somethings that are gone, never to return. So here are a few things I miss. Maybe you miss them too. Maybe you are glad to see them gone. Either way, these things aren't coming back.
TV before "Reality TV". You know when television shows were more than whores trying to turn a complete lack of talent into drama. Sadly it is so cheap to make that it will never go away. No matter how little anyone watches, it makes more than its money back.
Violence in schools. Once upon a time you a student could deal with their fellow students by beating them till they left you the hell alone. Now there is this "zero tolerance" bullshit. This lets mouthy little bastards get away with whatever they want, they never learn a lesson about running their mouths. We need to let children fight, so ever little shit losses their baby teeth by force.
When you could easily tell which women were whores. Now almost every woman dresses like a whore. It is god damn confusing. Sure, it is some nice eye candy, but it is also a tease.
The 16-bit era of gaming. There were so many new ideas, so many directions that one could go with the medium. Gritty and realistic is nice, but I don't want entertainment to always be realistic. It was also nice to see a protagonist that wasn't a militant douche, or a criminal. Also, back then not nearly as many franchises turned to shit.
When the job market was good. Mostly for the money.
The days before everyone had a camera. Cell phones have made it so much hard to get away with various crimes. Its like the deck is stacked against you now.
My own sanity. Like Ozzy said "Of all the things I miss, I miss my mind the most". It is debatable if said it first, but the meaning is what matters. The horrors of reality slowly twist the mind, and a mind can only twist so far before it can stand no more.
Showing posts with label comdey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comdey. Show all posts
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Things That Suck.
Some experiences just suck. Theses things happen to everyone from time to time, and there isn't much that can be done about it. There are things in life that just suck.
When you get into watching a show only to find out it is already cancelled. This usually happens when a show is syndicated. It is on when you have nothing else to watch so you settle on it as you know nothing about it. You see an episode or two and like it. You look to see when new episode are on, and it was cancelled last year. It is a real kick in the balls.
The place you want to eat is out of what you want. You want something, and they are out of whatever it might be. This comes in two forms generally, where they are out for the night, and where they are out and will make more but it will take some time. If they are out for the night, there is nothing to do, but pick something else, but it is never very good because it isn't what you really wanted. If they are out for now, you can wait, but is it worth an extra 45 minutes for what you want? Guess it depends how much you want it, and what it is.
That website you need is down. It is gone. You need it NOW. It might be a technical problem on there end, and it might be back later, but that doesn't help you right now. For all you know it may never return. You need something that was on it, and you have no idea where else you might find this information. Could be work related, could be something personal, doesn't matter either way as you aren't getting it.
There are many more somewhat universal experiences that suck, but this is enough for now. So many things that suck, so little time. Didn't even mention how much douchebags suck.
When you get into watching a show only to find out it is already cancelled. This usually happens when a show is syndicated. It is on when you have nothing else to watch so you settle on it as you know nothing about it. You see an episode or two and like it. You look to see when new episode are on, and it was cancelled last year. It is a real kick in the balls.
The place you want to eat is out of what you want. You want something, and they are out of whatever it might be. This comes in two forms generally, where they are out for the night, and where they are out and will make more but it will take some time. If they are out for the night, there is nothing to do, but pick something else, but it is never very good because it isn't what you really wanted. If they are out for now, you can wait, but is it worth an extra 45 minutes for what you want? Guess it depends how much you want it, and what it is.
That website you need is down. It is gone. You need it NOW. It might be a technical problem on there end, and it might be back later, but that doesn't help you right now. For all you know it may never return. You need something that was on it, and you have no idea where else you might find this information. Could be work related, could be something personal, doesn't matter either way as you aren't getting it.
There are many more somewhat universal experiences that suck, but this is enough for now. So many things that suck, so little time. Didn't even mention how much douchebags suck.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
My two new series.
As readers of this blog will know, I have started making youtube videos. I have decided to start two series of videos. Both are intended to be funny, a bit ranting, and more than likely a bit offensive, much like this blog. Looking to get feedback on both.
The first was inspired by my previous blog entry, it is a series about the various breeds of douchebags. This one I intend to make on a regular basis, as there are many kinds of douchebags, and all of them piss me off. If you have a particular douche you would like done, please due tell. Here is the first of the series:
The second series is just about questions. Questions being asked. This series is not meant to happen very often, as it will only happen when I have question on a subject. Here are my first few questions on a subject:
I know neither are perfect, and my skills are still being sharpened (clearly). However, I hope to make you laugh, and welcome feedback of all kinds.
The first was inspired by my previous blog entry, it is a series about the various breeds of douchebags. This one I intend to make on a regular basis, as there are many kinds of douchebags, and all of them piss me off. If you have a particular douche you would like done, please due tell. Here is the first of the series:
The second series is just about questions. Questions being asked. This series is not meant to happen very often, as it will only happen when I have question on a subject. Here are my first few questions on a subject:
I know neither are perfect, and my skills are still being sharpened (clearly). However, I hope to make you laugh, and welcome feedback of all kinds.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Douchebags.
Some people you just have no respect for. They might of just given you a horrid first impression, or they may have slowly lost your respect over the course of time. It doesn't matter either way, as no matter what they have shown themselves to be douchebags. Douchebags are all the people out there that really deserve no respect.
There are many breeds of douchebag. Much like with dogs the passage of time has allowed the douchebag to take many forms. Not all are easily identifiable, many have subtle tricks to hide their true nature. Some types are only found in certain places, or in a certain age range. Being a douchebag can be a temporary condition, but that doesn't make it any more acceptable. However, there are common traits to all douchebags that can help in identifying them.
There are a few common traits to all douchebags, and none of them are good things to find in a person. The first is self obsession. There is a belief deep inside the douchebag that tells them they are the center of the universe. The second is a need to impose their bullshit on to other people. A douche will go to great lengths to force other people to deal with whatever it is they are in to, or are taking part in. Thirdly, and this one is a bit situational, they will abuse even the smallest amount of power. Thankfully, not many douchebags have much in the way of power, so you won't see this trait expressed very often.
There exist far too many breeds of douchebag to name, at least here and now. There are some more common types you might run into. The boss douchebag, they are your boss, and they will ride that for all that it is worth. The internet douche, his opinion will be forced down your throat, if they are a mod or admin at a place you go just leave and never return. Workout douche, they has a lifting schedule, they either wants to impress you with it or tell you that you are in the way. Many more exist, and they are native to every place on earth.
Douches are those people that just don't deserve respect. You will have to deal with them from time to time, most likely on a daily basis. Perhaps someday a cure can be found for whatever it is that causes a person to become a douchebag.
There are many breeds of douchebag. Much like with dogs the passage of time has allowed the douchebag to take many forms. Not all are easily identifiable, many have subtle tricks to hide their true nature. Some types are only found in certain places, or in a certain age range. Being a douchebag can be a temporary condition, but that doesn't make it any more acceptable. However, there are common traits to all douchebags that can help in identifying them.
There are a few common traits to all douchebags, and none of them are good things to find in a person. The first is self obsession. There is a belief deep inside the douchebag that tells them they are the center of the universe. The second is a need to impose their bullshit on to other people. A douche will go to great lengths to force other people to deal with whatever it is they are in to, or are taking part in. Thirdly, and this one is a bit situational, they will abuse even the smallest amount of power. Thankfully, not many douchebags have much in the way of power, so you won't see this trait expressed very often.
There exist far too many breeds of douchebag to name, at least here and now. There are some more common types you might run into. The boss douchebag, they are your boss, and they will ride that for all that it is worth. The internet douche, his opinion will be forced down your throat, if they are a mod or admin at a place you go just leave and never return. Workout douche, they has a lifting schedule, they either wants to impress you with it or tell you that you are in the way. Many more exist, and they are native to every place on earth.
Douches are those people that just don't deserve respect. You will have to deal with them from time to time, most likely on a daily basis. Perhaps someday a cure can be found for whatever it is that causes a person to become a douchebag.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Ideas Vol. 5
It is that time again. Been more than a little while since that last "Ideas" post.
1. A truly realistic take on Batman
A spoiled rich man goes out to fight crime with millions of dollars worth of equipment. Assuming he doesn't die on his first night out, no one really has an problem putting together who would have the funds to do this kind of thing. Also there is the issue of how long it would take to develop the various gadgets. Prototypes don't often work perfectly, and it take a lot of money and time to develop something. Not only that but there are huge numbers of people involved when developing anything. So Batman goes out the first night, likely dies, and if he doesn't everyone already knows who he is. Realism and depression are closely connected.
2. Gambling on the Suicidal.
Many people choose to take there own life. Sometimes the signs are clear, other times not so much. Losing someone is always a tragedy. However, wouldn't some cash help with mourning process? Think about it an organization that makes odds on who will end it all, when they might do it, and how they will chose to end it. Think your good friend can't cope with their divorce? Make a little a bet that they will end it. The more details on the when and how, the more the pay off will be when it happens.
3. Sarcastic get well cards.
These are cards to send to people you are not on good terms with. Ones that look nice on the outside but then wish ill on them once they are open. Or perhaps say "I am sorry you have a cold, I wanted it to be something much more lethal". If it is something that will kill them the card could have a nice message inside like "Once the cancer takes you, I am going to bang you wife... more so than I do already".
1. A truly realistic take on Batman
A spoiled rich man goes out to fight crime with millions of dollars worth of equipment. Assuming he doesn't die on his first night out, no one really has an problem putting together who would have the funds to do this kind of thing. Also there is the issue of how long it would take to develop the various gadgets. Prototypes don't often work perfectly, and it take a lot of money and time to develop something. Not only that but there are huge numbers of people involved when developing anything. So Batman goes out the first night, likely dies, and if he doesn't everyone already knows who he is. Realism and depression are closely connected.
2. Gambling on the Suicidal.
Many people choose to take there own life. Sometimes the signs are clear, other times not so much. Losing someone is always a tragedy. However, wouldn't some cash help with mourning process? Think about it an organization that makes odds on who will end it all, when they might do it, and how they will chose to end it. Think your good friend can't cope with their divorce? Make a little a bet that they will end it. The more details on the when and how, the more the pay off will be when it happens.
3. Sarcastic get well cards.
These are cards to send to people you are not on good terms with. Ones that look nice on the outside but then wish ill on them once they are open. Or perhaps say "I am sorry you have a cold, I wanted it to be something much more lethal". If it is something that will kill them the card could have a nice message inside like "Once the cancer takes you, I am going to bang you wife... more so than I do already".
Monday, July 30, 2012
Relationships.
Some people just can't be with only one person. You can't always tell who these people are, but there are some signs to watch for. Some are useful to find a one night stand, other are good indicators to avoid these people completely. You can't always tell if you are compatible or not, but there too are signs for that.
Want to know how loyal that married woman is? Just look at her hand. The more expensive and ornate her ring is, the more likely she is to be having some fun on the side. A woman with a simple ring with a small stone, she really love the man she is with, and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Loyalty here has an inverse relationship to the quality of ring.
How do you know if a man cheated? Did he travel alone? If he did, then he did. Men aren't generally looking to cheat, but aren't going to turn down a free meal. Don't like that idea? Sorry, reality doesn't care what you like.
On the other hand there is just crazy. Crazy take many forms, but it is never good in the long run. Now there are levels, and everyone has a little crazy to them. When you find the big crazy, just run. You can't fix crazy. Somethings just can't be fixed.
Speaking of "fixing" people. If are a broken person, and someone wants to fix you, it won't work. They will try, but you are what you are, and the relationship will end badly. So if you think you need to fix the person you are with, just walk away. Now if you are broken, just find a person with another kind of brokenness, something that complements your own, you will lean on one another and make something new out of the broken bits. When the right two broken people get together, they make a new and better whole.
One more thing, don't sit thinking about the one that got away. They aren't thinking of you, and you don't need the grief. Find someone else, even if only for a night.
Want to know how loyal that married woman is? Just look at her hand. The more expensive and ornate her ring is, the more likely she is to be having some fun on the side. A woman with a simple ring with a small stone, she really love the man she is with, and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Loyalty here has an inverse relationship to the quality of ring.
How do you know if a man cheated? Did he travel alone? If he did, then he did. Men aren't generally looking to cheat, but aren't going to turn down a free meal. Don't like that idea? Sorry, reality doesn't care what you like.
On the other hand there is just crazy. Crazy take many forms, but it is never good in the long run. Now there are levels, and everyone has a little crazy to them. When you find the big crazy, just run. You can't fix crazy. Somethings just can't be fixed.
Speaking of "fixing" people. If are a broken person, and someone wants to fix you, it won't work. They will try, but you are what you are, and the relationship will end badly. So if you think you need to fix the person you are with, just walk away. Now if you are broken, just find a person with another kind of brokenness, something that complements your own, you will lean on one another and make something new out of the broken bits. When the right two broken people get together, they make a new and better whole.
One more thing, don't sit thinking about the one that got away. They aren't thinking of you, and you don't need the grief. Find someone else, even if only for a night.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Song Parody.
Sometimes you hear a song and you hate it. In your hate you start making up other lyrics for the song. Sometimes these amuse only yourself, other times you can make others laugh with it.
The original is by a below average band called Linkin Park, and the song "One step closer". The lyrics originally were generic angst ridden bullshit, like the vast majority of their songs, and the songs of their contemporaries. So here is a nice lyrical parody.
I cannot hold it anymore
I've been holding it since the day before
All this piss it makes no sense
I need a place to drain my piss
More I drink the more I spray
You'll clean it up anyway
(Just like before)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
I hate when my urine is all clear
Drank too much and now its here
All this piss it makes no sense
I finally found a place to piss
Nothing seems hit the bowl
All over the seat again
(Just like before)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Shut up when I'm in the bathroom
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I'm in the bathroom
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up
I'm about to... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
The original is by a below average band called Linkin Park, and the song "One step closer". The lyrics originally were generic angst ridden bullshit, like the vast majority of their songs, and the songs of their contemporaries. So here is a nice lyrical parody.
I cannot hold it anymore
I've been holding it since the day before
All this piss it makes no sense
I need a place to drain my piss
More I drink the more I spray
You'll clean it up anyway
(Just like before)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
I hate when my urine is all clear
Drank too much and now its here
All this piss it makes no sense
I finally found a place to piss
Nothing seems hit the bowl
All over the seat again
(Just like before)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Shut up when I'm in the bathroom
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I'm in the bathroom
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up
I'm about to... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Every time I take a leak
(Takes me one step closer to the edge)
(And right up on he seat)
I need little time to piss
('Cause it's one step closer to the edge)
(Right up on the seat)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)