This is just a list of things to do durring the holidays.
Go caroling, but only sing metal songs.
Fist fight with Santa. Most of them are drunks anyway.
Form a protest using signs and chants about "Getting the Jesus out of Christmas", and various pro-commercialism messages.
Try to buy things that were on special several years ago on "Black Friday".
Fart as loud as you can in crowded stores. Do it near the "hot items" of the season.
Invent a new holiday and harass places about giving you equal representation.
Put counterfeit money in every bell ringer's bucket.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Things to do on Black Friday
Black Friday is coming. The last thing you should is shop. Instead you should spend a day at home. Relax, and take a breather. There is enough rushing about in daily life without adding more on a day you have off. Do nothing, or at least nothing high stress.
Do some light drinking. Stay home, and have no more than three beers an hour. Just enjoy a day long buzz. Hide your phone before hand to avoid any drunk dialing. We are looking to avoid stress.
Watch some holiday themed pornography. Or if you hate the holidays, watch some of whatever you are into. Or just find some to bang all day long. Seems like some sexual release would do you a lot more good than a cheap HDTV.
Work on that plan you have to get revenge on your enemies. Everyone has one, and most of them need more than a bit of polish. Poor your heart into it. Then you can put your plan into action and hopefully have no remaining enemies by next Black Friday.
Sleep. Catch up on all the back sleep. More then likely what I will be doing.
Do some light drinking. Stay home, and have no more than three beers an hour. Just enjoy a day long buzz. Hide your phone before hand to avoid any drunk dialing. We are looking to avoid stress.
Watch some holiday themed pornography. Or if you hate the holidays, watch some of whatever you are into. Or just find some to bang all day long. Seems like some sexual release would do you a lot more good than a cheap HDTV.
Work on that plan you have to get revenge on your enemies. Everyone has one, and most of them need more than a bit of polish. Poor your heart into it. Then you can put your plan into action and hopefully have no remaining enemies by next Black Friday.
Sleep. Catch up on all the back sleep. More then likely what I will be doing.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Warlords of Draenor
A new expansion to World of Warcraft released this month. Just like the last four expansions, the launch went poorly to say the least. Long waits to sign on, new incredibly glitchy content, and of course the worst trolls and white knights fighting for hours in general chat.
To actually play the game you will need to wait. It will take between 90 minutes and 5 hours to sign on. You will need to find something to do during this time. This is where a handheld or gaming console would come in very handy. Never thought a new PC release would lead me to playing more 3ds and Playstation 3. Seems Blizzard found a way to make it happen.
Now once you are on you will be greeted with new content. For some reason almost none of this content is phased, so you will be trying to do the same quest as over a thousand other players at the same time. This will make completing any quests virtually impossible. You need to kill 8 of a particular monster, so do the other 1500 players in your immediate area, so good luck with that. Not only that also the servers are going down several times an hour hotfix various problems, so after hours of waiting you will likely get less than 15 minutes of time in game. That monthly charge on your credit card seems so worth it.
Now if you do actually manage to get on for more than a few minutes you will get to watch "The rule of Aaron" in action. If you are unfamiliar "The rule of Aaron" the idea that the worst 1% of a group will ruin it for everyone. In this case the worst 1% is debating in general chat about how the launch is going. One group feels that there is no problem and no mistakes have been or are being made. The other feels they are being raped (or worse). Both groups are very vocal, and neither are interested in facts or logic.
Now the actual new content is good. There is a city building mechanic that is very well done, along with new and interesting zones. The loot system has been revamped giving you more of a reason to go through content multiple times. The new stuff is great, actually getting on to enjoy it is the main problem.
To actually play the game you will need to wait. It will take between 90 minutes and 5 hours to sign on. You will need to find something to do during this time. This is where a handheld or gaming console would come in very handy. Never thought a new PC release would lead me to playing more 3ds and Playstation 3. Seems Blizzard found a way to make it happen.
Now once you are on you will be greeted with new content. For some reason almost none of this content is phased, so you will be trying to do the same quest as over a thousand other players at the same time. This will make completing any quests virtually impossible. You need to kill 8 of a particular monster, so do the other 1500 players in your immediate area, so good luck with that. Not only that also the servers are going down several times an hour hotfix various problems, so after hours of waiting you will likely get less than 15 minutes of time in game. That monthly charge on your credit card seems so worth it.
Now if you do actually manage to get on for more than a few minutes you will get to watch "The rule of Aaron" in action. If you are unfamiliar "The rule of Aaron" the idea that the worst 1% of a group will ruin it for everyone. In this case the worst 1% is debating in general chat about how the launch is going. One group feels that there is no problem and no mistakes have been or are being made. The other feels they are being raped (or worse). Both groups are very vocal, and neither are interested in facts or logic.
Now the actual new content is good. There is a city building mechanic that is very well done, along with new and interesting zones. The loot system has been revamped giving you more of a reason to go through content multiple times. The new stuff is great, actually getting on to enjoy it is the main problem.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Answers for Problems
Here are just a few problems out in the worlds, and some solutions for them.
Unemployment. Take of a life of crime. Worst case you end up in prison, where you will have a roof over your head and three squares a day.
Teen pregnancy. Abortion is legal, right? Problem solved.
Ebola in the USA. We fence off Florida as a quarantine zone/Ebola colony. No one will miss Florida.
The war on drugs. Two options here. One, legalize them all and tax the hell out of them. Or start executing the people that launder the money. Either way.
Illegal immigration. We annex the countries these people come from, and then improve them to the point that there is no need to leave.
Now these are just a few. If you have any problems that need a solution, just leave them in the comments, and we will get to them later.
Unemployment. Take of a life of crime. Worst case you end up in prison, where you will have a roof over your head and three squares a day.
Teen pregnancy. Abortion is legal, right? Problem solved.
Ebola in the USA. We fence off Florida as a quarantine zone/Ebola colony. No one will miss Florida.
The war on drugs. Two options here. One, legalize them all and tax the hell out of them. Or start executing the people that launder the money. Either way.
Illegal immigration. We annex the countries these people come from, and then improve them to the point that there is no need to leave.
Now these are just a few. If you have any problems that need a solution, just leave them in the comments, and we will get to them later.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Top 10 Best and Worst Halloween Treats.
Halloween is the best best of all holidays. You get free candy. However, not all candy was created equal. So lets see the the best and worst.
We will start with the best.
10. Dum Dums. Small lollipops that comes in dozens of different flavors, and most of them are pretty good.
9. M&Ms. All varieties. These would be higher if there weren't so few of them in the "fun size" they hand out.
8. Hershey's Cookies 'n' Creme. Enjoyable as long as it is not too cold.
7. Butterfinger. Tasty, but they do tend to get caught in your teeth.
6. 3 Musketeers. Light and sweet.
5. Twix. A good balance on this one, chocolate, with chewy caramel, and a crunchy cookie. Just feels nice in the mouth.
4. Peanut Butter Snickers.
3. Milky Way. Even better if it is the dark chocolate version.
2. Kit Kat. They are just half a fun sized, and are good in all three flavors (white, milk, and dark).
1. Reese Peanut Butter Cup. The king of all Halloween candy. Chocolate and peanut butter, what more do you need?
Now for the other side of things. The bad Halloween "treats".
10. Pennies. Well at least it is money. A small ineffectual amount, but still.
9. Tootsie rolls. They come in many flavors, and they are all horrid.
8. Coupons. Doesn't matter what they are for. If you are doing this to promote your own business, then you need some better ideas.
7. Jolly Ranchers. There is nothing jolly about these.
6. Life Savers. This is meant to kill bad breath, it is not a treat.
5. Smarties. I hear some kids crush them up and snort them. Well, sounds better than eatting them.
4. Licorice. This is the anti-candy.
3. Religious anything.
2. Leftover candy form other holidays. Easter, last year's Christmas, even Valentines day. It is likely out of code, and should not be given to anyone.
1. Raisins. These are not a treat. If you hand them out, your house should be egged.
We will start with the best.
10. Dum Dums. Small lollipops that comes in dozens of different flavors, and most of them are pretty good.
9. M&Ms. All varieties. These would be higher if there weren't so few of them in the "fun size" they hand out.
8. Hershey's Cookies 'n' Creme. Enjoyable as long as it is not too cold.
7. Butterfinger. Tasty, but they do tend to get caught in your teeth.
6. 3 Musketeers. Light and sweet.
5. Twix. A good balance on this one, chocolate, with chewy caramel, and a crunchy cookie. Just feels nice in the mouth.
4. Peanut Butter Snickers.
3. Milky Way. Even better if it is the dark chocolate version.
2. Kit Kat. They are just half a fun sized, and are good in all three flavors (white, milk, and dark).
1. Reese Peanut Butter Cup. The king of all Halloween candy. Chocolate and peanut butter, what more do you need?
Now for the other side of things. The bad Halloween "treats".
10. Pennies. Well at least it is money. A small ineffectual amount, but still.
9. Tootsie rolls. They come in many flavors, and they are all horrid.
8. Coupons. Doesn't matter what they are for. If you are doing this to promote your own business, then you need some better ideas.
7. Jolly Ranchers. There is nothing jolly about these.
6. Life Savers. This is meant to kill bad breath, it is not a treat.
5. Smarties. I hear some kids crush them up and snort them. Well, sounds better than eatting them.
4. Licorice. This is the anti-candy.
3. Religious anything.
2. Leftover candy form other holidays. Easter, last year's Christmas, even Valentines day. It is likely out of code, and should not be given to anyone.
1. Raisins. These are not a treat. If you hand them out, your house should be egged.
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