Easter.

Easter time is here. That time of year where Christians celebrate the death and return of Superman, no wait, that other character... oh yeah, Jesus. There is candy, and rabbits, and eggs. It is a bit like Halloween, but there is only one zombie involved. Every year it has a different date, but somehow always on a Sunday.

The Christians are celebrating the brutal death and mysterious resurrection of their supposed savoir. It would seem that dyeing eggs and eating chocolate are the ways you celebrate that kind of thing. Somewhere a long the way a rabbit got involved, can't find a clear answer for that one. Seem like a more somber celebration would be in order, given what the holiday is based on.

Most holidays are on the same date every year, Christmas is December 25,  Halloween is October 31, but not Easter it changes every year. Sometimes in March, sometimes in April, consistent it is not. The date is base on a different calendar than the modern one. What, is it too much work to make it happen the same day each year? They already round off to the nearest Sunday, so lets go the next step and just make it the same day each year.

They call it Easter, but really it is "Zombie Jesus Day". Death on a Friday, followed by zombie time on Sunday. Where do you think the symbolic flesh eating came from? Well when zombie Jesus came to town it wasn't so symbolic. What, they don't talk about that in the bible? It got edited out over time.

So enjoy your Easter zombie extravaganza. Find some colored eggs, eat some chocolate, and try to guess when you will be doing this all next time. The holiday might not make since, but at least the candy will be marked down on Monday.

The Good Part Of Any Holiday.

Valentine's Day has come and gone. It is a a holiday that is a bit of chore if you are man, and free gifts if you are a woman. Putting that aside, it is another holiday where hoards of overpriced novelties are made available before hand and sold incredibly cheaply afterward. That is the great part of most of the worst holidays, the very cheap candy one can find the day after. Christmas, Valentine's, Easter,  all horrid waste of time, but the day after each of them one can find high quality candies and chocolate at rock bottom prices.

Now to get the best stuff you will need to get to the store early, when they open if possible. You then need to sprint to holiday section, and be ready to push old women out of the way. You aren't the only person here with a plan to get cheap chocolate, you may need to be ready to knock some people out. The best stuff will go quickly, and if you get there too late all you will fine are off brands, and the stuff no one wants in the first place. After you have found your prize, take it to the register and get ready to be shocked at how cheap everything has become after only one day.

A good haul will set you up for your candy need till at least the next holiday. Yes the candy will be themed to whatever holiday you got it after, but that is alright, after all  Reese's peanut butter heart or egg tastes just as good as a peanut butter cup. You can use your hoard of holiday candy to  confuse people, as no one expects a Milky Way Santa in June. If you have any small children you see regularly they will be very happy to get conversation  hearts or marshmallow chicks weeks and months after the holidays they are made for.

Remember just because a holiday is a pain in the ass waste of time, it doesn't mean it is completely without charm. So after every holiday be ready to get needlessly violent in the name of saving a few dollars. It is fun, and profitable.