For the Children

Something needs to be done about the all the children. At least something needs to be done about the children that make noise, throw tantrums, and make scenes in public places. We need a solution that will take care of all these little bastards from age four to seventeen.

Electroshock collars seems like a viable solution. Every normal child would need one. The controls for the them would not be given to the parents, rather the controls for them  would be given to every person without children. There is no point in giving parents the remotes for the collars, as the collars would not be necessary if parents were willing to actually discipline their children or do some parenting.

For each person that hit the button to shock the child, the shock would get increasingly worse. With a fatal shock being given for annoying 25 people enough to all hit the buttons all at the same time. Don't worry, this would only happen if all the people pressed there buttons within a certain window of time. For every 3 minutes a child goes without getting an additional button press, one of the former presses would be taken away. After all, no one wants children to die.

If parents lose to children because of these collars and then have a third child, the parents will also get collars and share the fate of the third child. This would prevent parents form using the collars to "dispose" of unwanted children.  This would likely also clear out a lot of trailer parks.

Or you know, parents could get off there asses and do some actual parenting. Sadly, that seems to much to ask these days.

Ideas for a better world.

The world is an increasingly hellish place. There are so many things people could do to make the world just a little better. Some are so small. Even very small things can have huge impacts.

So many screaming children in public, running around, crying, making noise. Why don't we just muzzle the children. Not all of them. Just the ones that can't walk around a store without causing a scene or making an unreasonable amount of noise. Maybe put some electric shock collars on the really bad ones. The collars would not be controlled by the parents, but rather by every other adult in the store.

Remember, it is for the children.

Let people carry a sidearm. The people as a whole would be more polite if a few more guns were around. Sure, we might lose a few people, but not any of the smart ones.

Sitting on your hip. Or maybe a shoulder holster.

We should really stop putting all the dead people in cemeteries. We should be processing the bodies in to something useful. Fertilizer would be easy enough. What about human leather? What pharmaceuticals could be made with the average corpse.

Odd facts.

Just some odd things that happen to be true. Welcoming any thoughts on these subjects.

Men with some form of dwarfism are good people, but men that are just short are always douche bags. Seriously, any dude under about 5'7" (170 cm) is nearly always a douche bag, unless they are suffering from some kind of dwarfism.

The more a man is into a woman, the bigger pain in the ass her friends are going to be. Why do the best women always have such cunt friends? Is this just the universe having fun?

The more attractive a person is (physically speaking) the less they try in every other area. Every bang a "10" that just laid there?

The Vatican is full of men in dresses that also hate gays. Seems like a mixed message to say the least.

Children are god awful. Yes, especially yours.

No one cares about any of your shit.

Ideas Vol. 7 Laws Edition

Here in the USA we live in a land of laws. There exist laws and ordinances for virtually every facet of life. However, it seem that some of these legal concepts are a bit one sided, and should be balanced just a little better.  Here are just a few ideas along this line of thought.

1. Drunk Driving.

Not everyone reacts to alcohol the same way. Yet, everyone is held to the standard of ".08". So, how about a test to determine what the limit for each individual would be. Lightweights might be unsafe to drive after only one beer; whereas some people might be alright to drive after chugging a 5th. Then on each person's license it would have a mark to denote where the limit was for that individual. This wouldn't be permanent, as the drunk testing would be done each time the license came up for renewal.

2. Taxing Churches.

Every business and individual pays taxes. That is all but one, the business of selling faith pays no tax. It is time they anted up. Churches take in billions of dollars, and it is all tax free. This should stop. Not just for the revenue it would generate, but also because churches hold sway over how their members will vote. If churches want a say in politics, then they should pay just like everyone else.

A piggy bank long overdue to be emptied.

3. Having children.

In some parts of the US in order to have an abortion, a woman must watch an abortion being preformed. While the merits of this are highly debatable, it is the way it is some places. That being said, turn about about is fair play. So in order to go ahead and give birth a mother should have to sit in a restaurant and eat a meal surrounded by screaming, crying, and hyper children. This would lead to a lot less children being birthed. Why should we act like giving birth is any better than terminating a birth? Both are fine options, and should be treated equally.

A Plan for the Children.

So many children making unnecessary noise places. Yes, this is not a new topic, but today it is more than complaint. Today there is a plan to deal with and help the children to be presented.

Electroshock collars that are mandatory in public on all children under the age of 13. These collars would do three things. One, it would shock the child for being too loud for too long. Second, it would keep children from misbehaving, the older one picking on the little one, taken care of with a long shock. Thirdly, it would instill fear. Every adult would be given a remote for the collars, so anyone can stop any undesired behavior. Imagine a trip to grocery where all the children are silent, well mannered, and never is a seen made.

Better school. Children need to be better educated. They need to have teachers that don't want to kill themselves. So we need to pay the teacher more, but hold them to a far higher standard. Less time wasted with coloring and bad fiction. More time spent on history, math, philosophy, and fiction that actually teaches a lesson. Philosophy, taught properly, could prevent many issues with children.

A license to breed. Parents are by far the largest influence on a child. People in an abusive relationship having a child will inflict abuse on the child. People that are immature are far more likely to be neglectful toward their children. Parents need not be held to a financial or educational standard, only to standards of maturity, stability, and psychological fitness. Better stock when breeding leads to better children. This is not a matter of race, or a matter of class, only a matter of finding good people to have children.

Allow children to fight to the death. In school some children are picked-on and tormented. This isn't right. So imagine if that little smart mouth that is making fun of a larger child had to face the wrath of the larger child. It would be a small ring, where the smaller and mouthier child couldn't run. All the other children would have to watch this fight. After the picked-on child smashed the face of the other child a few dozen times, they will never be made fun of again, and the other mouthy children will think twice about making-fun of anyone. The fights could only be one on one, and go on till the original victim is satisfied.  It wouldn't be allowed to happen without reason, there would need to a "strike" system in place, an adult witness to the misconduct and/or other such safe guards to prevent a child that simply enjoys violence from taking advantage of the system. This could make school a much better experience for the vast majority of students. Less stress at school would lead to less acting out other places.

These are just a start of what could be a better world. A world that is more polite. Over population, could even be quelled in time. Remember, this is all for the children. 

More Pet Peeves.

This is yet another series of major psychotic hatreds that will one day drive me insane.

Morning people. It is the morning, the world is a hideous bitch-goddess right now, and will be till at least noon. If you are smiling in the morning, you need death... both slow and painful. The morning is a cruel, and must be stopped for the good of all humanity.

People that have it bad but are still upbeat. Your world is hell, embrace the negativity. Let the hate for your own existence shape your world view and harm everyone around you.

Chicks that think they are 10s when they are about a 6. You not that hot. Pull the stick out of your ass and grow a personality. Also, you don't look any better than your friends, you are not the pretty one, you might be the bitchiest.

"BBQ" items at fast food places.  Good BBQ takes hour of slow cooking. No fast food place will do that. It is just cheap meat and sauce that is far too sweet.

People under 30 that say "back in the day". There is no back in the day for you, you are in "the day" right now. Back in the day these people were still fetuses, if not a sperm that hadn't yet found an egg (or the other way around if you prefer).

Other people's kids. May they all find dad's gun and have an accident. May they all run into the street after a ball at the exact wrong moment. Unless they are well behaved in public, then they are alright. Haven't seen any kids that were alright in a long time.

Waiters/Waitresses with attitude. Serving food wasn't your first choice. You may go on to something better later. However, right now you are serving food to people and refilling drinks. Don't be an asshole just because it sucks.

Anyone that is under 35 that thinks they found "true love". She is the first cunt on your penis, you are the first guy willing to put up with her level of crazy. This is not love. You will find your other half fucking one of your friend in a month or two. Don't act all broken up when it happens. Don't do the same thing with the next fuck partner you find. Love is a young man's folly, and is a game more suited to a mature man.

People into politics that think they are deep.You are not deep. You are not original. Everything you have to say has been said before. Had one of these douchebags tell me how much there professors thought of them, this just shows the level of immaturity at work. Firstly, any student worth a shit know the opinions of the professor only matter if you are sucking up, secondly no one else cares if they praise you. Grow the fuck up, and see if it is still possible to pull your head out of your ass. 

Morning radio.This is making people dumber.

Optimism.The world is not that great. James Branch Cabell said it best: "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."

Offensive Ideas.

This blog is called "The Offender". It has however been pointed out that there has a lack of "offensive" content as of late. This is debatable, as what is offensive varies greatly from person to person. So lets see how offensive we can be, but while also making it funny.

The best reason not to cheat on a woman is it is too much work. One woman takes up enough of your time. You spend a great deal of time with the first woman, talking on the phone, going places, getting meals, seeing films, so forth. Do you really want to double the time you spend doing these things with a second woman? Sure you would get more pussy, but you are doing so much more work for it.

Abortion is always a good option. Childhood is a horrible thing, for both the child, and the people around the child. So do everyone a favor and go for an abortion. Your doing the kid a favor, public school (and private for that matter) is a hell no one needs, and your not going to be a fit parent anyway. Beside think how much money you will save in the long run without having a kid around. Also it is one less child to make noise in restaurants.

Jesus loves porn. I hear his collection is both expansive, and filled with the truly bizarre.

We should really be doing something with dead people. They are dead, but they could still contribute. We could process corpses in to chemicals for farming, or for pharmaceuticals. Or we could raise money by renting corpses out to necrophiliacs. It just seems silly to just bury this potential resource. Also how much money is just left in the ground in the form metals used in fillings and implants, or in false hips. Seems like all of that could be melted down and used again.

So this should cover us on offensive content for a while.

Ideas Vol. 3 Christmas Edition

A few thoughts about the most dysfunctional time of the year.

1. Leave your kids at home.

You are shopping, the store is packed, and everyone is in a hurry. This is all annoying, and bad enough on its own. It is made so much worse by the mobs of children crying, or singing ONE LINE of a Christmas song REPEATEDLY. Just leave them at home, it will make stores infinitely more tolerable. 

2. Turn the heat off in stores.

Stores are packed, and each person generates heat. Yes it is cold outside, but when you cram several hundred people in to an enclosed space it heats up fast. People are pissed off enough due to the season, do they need to sweat too?

3. Actually help someone in need.

Give a hobo a twenty. Yeah, he may just get loaded with it, but he will be happy for a few minutes.

Children's Stories.

When you read a children's story as an adult one of two things can happen. One, you find out that it was a quality work of fiction that worked on more than one level and give you something new as an adult rereading it for the first time since childhood. Story like that are rare, but worth while if you find them. The second option is for the the story to be poorly written with an either poor or just bizarre moral lesson. We are here to talk about the second kind of stories.

"Green Eggs and Ham" is a classic Dr Seuss story that nearly everyone knows. However, when reading it as an adult you find it has a bad message. The message is that if you harass someone long enough they will give in and do whatever you want. This is not a good message for children, if it were to sink in just imagine how they would annoy you for ever little thing. It makes one wonder if this is the strategy Dr Seuss used to make his woman do certain things.

Longer stories can be just as bad. "Matilda" by Roald Dahl is a story about an abused, but highly intelligent, little girl and her struggles in childhood. Rather than show a realistic way for her to deal with her problems, we get a fantasy. It teaches you that all your problems will solve themselves, and you will get super powers for your troubles. Problems don't solve themselves, and no one has ever had super powers given to them through neglect (or at all for that matter).

The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein is another fine example of a story with a lesson children should not learn. It teaches a fine lesson about finding someone with no self-esteem to take advantage of repeatedly. The boy in the story never get punished for his leeching ways, and no one should be taken advantage of to the extreme that happens in the story. Now if the tree would of fallen on the boy when he chopped the tree down for lumber, that would of been a good lesson for kids. In that situation kids would of learned everyone has a breaking point.

There are many children's stories that have good messages for kid, and that can be enjoyed by adults. Sadly, the bad ones seem to be far more common.

Children in stores.

It doesn't matter where you go. Everywhere large amounts of screaming children can be found. The parents seem either unwilling, or worse, unable to do anything about their little bastards. The children in and of themselves do not offend me, it is the excessive amount of noise they generate that gets to me. We are not talking about babies here, we are talking about ones old enough to know better. Something must be done.

The parents should be silencing their children, or at least teaching them not to scream at all times. Electric collars would be a nice way to keep them quiet, few thousand volts every time they get past a certain level of sound. After 4 of 5 shocks, they would not be screaming anymore. Or a good well timed slap would serve just as well, but it would need to be while the child is making the noise, or the child may not understand why it is getting slapped. In general a parent could do much to prevent the noise.

If the parents are unwilling to take discipline in to their hands (in which case they should have their children taken away, but that is another blog) then the other people at the store should be allowed to fill the role of disciplinarian. Low power cattle prods could be carried into store to keep loud and annoying children inline. The stores could have the security guards roam the isles with duct tape, a few layers of that would teach a child a valuable lesson. If these methods fail, we could train large dogs to attack anything making to much noise, sure some kids might not make it, but is that to much to pay for a quiet shopping experience.

In the end, we just need to make children understand screams are for seriously bad things, not everyday. However, if they must scream, why not give them a reason?

Ideas Vol. 1

This is just a list of things that don't need there own entry.

1. A section for people without children at restaurants.

You go into a restaurant to enjoy a meal, your food arrives just a the kid at the next table starts to scream. The parents do nothing about it. So I why not have a a "No Child" section, just as there was once a  "No Smoking" section. Never again will your meal be ruined by some loud little bastard. However, the waiters/waitresses working in the "With Children" section should get some hazard pay.

2. A coffee house that serves beer.

No not just a bar. This is a place for all the people dragged along to coffee horses that don't actually like to drink coffee. So while everyone else has their caffeine fix, you can enjoy your favorite beer.  I imagine there would be some friction at first between the coffee drinkers and beer drinkers, but at the end of the day mutual hate of wine drinkers would lead to peace.

3.  Remove the stigma around being an asshole.

At the very least 19 our of 20 people are assholes. So why is it still an insult? When asshole is  the norm, we either need to redefine the term, or just use it to refer to all people. Seriously, after a moment of honest reflection, can you name one person that isn't an asshole? I didn't think so.