Sunday, October 19, 2014

Vampires?


Sunday, October 12, 2014

Fuck AT&T

The last several weeks my landline phone has not been working. So I called up my provider, AT&T. In the end the problem was fixed. However, it was neither a smooth or timely process.

 I called first thing in the morning, and was told they would come to investigate/fix the problem between 9am and 6pm, and ask that you leave an alternate number for them to contact you Seems like a rather large time window. It seems to have not been large enough, as they at no point came nor called to say they weren't coming. They tell you if you are not at home when they come, you will not get service, but will get 55$ fine for them showing up for nothing. However, it seems you get nothing for them wasting your time.

They did however call the next day at 8am to investigate the problem. So they made me waste a day at home, and then call and wake me up the next morning. Once they arrived it took them only a few minutes to fix the problem.

Fuck you AT&T. Your monopoly in my area forces me to use you. If any other option excited, I would use them instead.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Things to do on Halloween.

This is a list of things that is completely acceptable to on Halloween. Most of these should not be done any other day of the year.

Egg the houses of people handing out raisins. Those aren't candy. They are grapes that need to be thrown out.

Go to churches while wearing a devil costume. Play it completely straight.

Take a friends kid trick or treating. This is a loophole that lets adults get free candy.

Dress like a whore. That is pretty much what every female costume is anyway.

Use it as an excuse to show up at your job out of uniform. Just show up in your regular cloths and claim to be some character. Even the worst ballbuster of a boss won't call you on this.

Hide behind be "in character" while in your costume to get a pass on saying grossly inappropriate things. You know, if you don't have the balls at other times.

Minor acts of vandalism.

Begging. 



Sunday, September 28, 2014

I am very sick.

Sorry that is all for today. Vomiting is taking up too much of my time.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Top Five Most Annoying People

Some people are are very annoying. They seem to all fall into a limited number of categories. Here are just a few of those groups.

5. Women that are not as attractive as they think they are. Attractive women get a lot of leeway in terms of how they can act. This applies to 8s and up. The problem is there are a lot of 6s out there that don't seem to understand that they are 6s, and want the same amount of leeway.

4. Weekend parents. And their shitty, shitty children. We talked about how to deal with them a few week back.

3. People that sit right on top of you in an empty area. There are plenty of seats/booths/bar-stools; why the hell are you in the one right next to mine? Go find one further away.

2. Internet grammar Nazis. It seems we need to find a "final solution" for these people.

1. The openly religious. The faith doesn't matter. There are people of all faiths that wish to rape mankind with their imaginary friend(s). Your faith should be like your genitals, keep it in your pants.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Top Six Things To Do During A Heatwave

6. Get a job where you work in a walk in freezer. Or at least that involves one in some way.

5. Trick your enemies with claims of a "heat stroke" diet.

4. Blended ice and booze.

3. Enjoy the women wearing next to nothing as they go about their days.

2. Buy out all the fans, and sell them on the street for a nice profit.

1. Sex in a pool.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

For the Children

Something needs to be done about the all the children. At least something needs to be done about the children that make noise, throw tantrums, and make scenes in public places. We need a solution that will take care of all these little bastards from age four to seventeen.

Electroshock collars seems like a viable solution. Every normal child would need one. The controls for the them would not be given to the parents, rather the controls for them  would be given to every person without children. There is no point in giving parents the remotes for the collars, as the collars would not be necessary if parents were willing to actually discipline their children or do some parenting.
For each person that hit the button to shock the child, the shock would get increasingly worse. With a fatal shock being given for annoying 25 people enough to all hit the buttons all at the same time. Don't worry, this would only happen if all the people pressed there buttons within a certain window of time. For every 3 minutes a child goes without getting an additional button press, one of the former presses would be taken away. After all, no one wants children to die.

If parents lose to children because of these collars and then have a third child, the parents will also get collars and share the fate of the third child. This would prevent parents form using the collars to "dispose" of unwanted children.  This would likely also clear out a lot of trailer parks.

Or you know, parents could get off there asses and do some actual parenting. Sadly, that seems to much to ask these days.