Strange Thing Happened

I was at Target, doing my mother's shopping for her as she just had back surgery. As I go through the store, I notice a guy following me, and staring me down. The guy doing it is about my age, average build, nothing really distinctive about him. So after several he does this on several different aisle I ask him "You need something buddy?". He looks at me with obvious anger and says "You don't even remember me!". Look him over, "There a reason I should?". Now is when the story get a little strange as he claims that I "assaulted" him in "computer class". This is strange as last time I was in a "computer class" was close to three decades ago in high school. He goes on to say he had to transfer schools over what happened, and demands I apologize for ruining him life. Instead, I tell tell to "Grow up, fuck off, and don't bother me. Or just the last two".

That happened earlier this week. I don't think the guy was crazy. As I have thought about it, and I think I know the indecent he was referring too. It was during my freshman year, and yes was in a "computer class". It was early in the school year, either September of early October, and another student was making a great deal of noise. I asked him (nicely) to please quiet down. He got up, shoved me and said "make me". I didn't, I asked him agian to to lower his volume, so he pushed me again. At that point I hit him, and again, and then slammed him medium hard in to the ground. The teacher broke it up. He tried to get her to believe I was in the wrong, she pointed out that he had attacked first, and that I had only defended myself. He went back to his seat in tears. The teacher kept me with her, I assumed to yell at me, but was wrong. She told me he got what deserved, and said it was smart that I hadn't hit him in the face. This was a very minor event to me, and till this week hadn't thought about it at all. Should be noted, that she was the first teacher I ever had any respect for.

I am not sure why it stuck with this other guy so much. I think perhaps it was his first and maybe only experience with violence. I don't know if I should envy or pity that. Well sorry this isn't funny, but I felt the need to share it somewhere, and this is my outlet.

I want to punch Will Ferrell

No, not over anything recent. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. This has been brewing for the better part of two decades.

Right in the face. Maybe dislocate his jaw or something.

While he has made many, MANY, bad movies, they are not the reason I want to punch this man. Nor is it his lack luster voice acting. No, it is something from earlier in his career.

The god awful "cheerleader sketch". This why he needs to some violence directed toward him. I would tell him why. If he responded with anything other than words to the effect of "I deserved that" I would have to keep hitting him.

Shame that a meeting between him and myself is so very unlikely.

Last post this year.

Well this is the end of the third year of this blog. It is great that there are readers that come here every week. Lets not end the year on a negative note. Instead, lets be a little positive.

Long term readers of this blog will know that we are not generally kind to Christmas here, so lets talk about the good parts of the holiday season. In fact lets have a top ten of good things about this time of year.

10. My mothers banana bread. I know only I get to enjoy, but still I love it.

9. Seeing the smiles of friends as they open gifts.

8. Giving a little cash to charity.

7. Reconnection with those you are estranged from.

6. Steam sale.

5. Cheap candy the day after Christmas.

4. Shopping violence.

3. Suicide rates go up. Always gives me hopes that one of my enemies will end it all.

2. Hearing the wistful stories of holiday drunks.

1. Being incredibly grateful to not be working retail this holiday season.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

Happy Saint Patrick's day. May you all get drunk and get laid. Today everyone is just a little Irish, except maybe the Italians.

This year the hangover tomorrow will be a bit worse than usual. Tomorrow is Monday, and that is the worst day of the week to wake up with a hangover. To make matters worse, it has only been a week since daylight savings time and no one is really adjusted yet. If your boss has a problem with you being in a little less than top from, follow another Irish tradition and punch your boss till they stops moving. 

Hope you enjoy the day, and a drink or too. Eat a potato, and a bit of corned beef. Sign a sweet song, and forget to wear a rubber. Have a good time, and in the morning know you had a great time you will never remember.

A Plan for the Children.

So many children making unnecessary noise places. Yes, this is not a new topic, but today it is more than complaint. Today there is a plan to deal with and help the children to be presented.

Electroshock collars that are mandatory in public on all children under the age of 13. These collars would do three things. One, it would shock the child for being too loud for too long. Second, it would keep children from misbehaving, the older one picking on the little one, taken care of with a long shock. Thirdly, it would instill fear. Every adult would be given a remote for the collars, so anyone can stop any undesired behavior. Imagine a trip to grocery where all the children are silent, well mannered, and never is a seen made.

Better school. Children need to be better educated. They need to have teachers that don't want to kill themselves. So we need to pay the teacher more, but hold them to a far higher standard. Less time wasted with coloring and bad fiction. More time spent on history, math, philosophy, and fiction that actually teaches a lesson. Philosophy, taught properly, could prevent many issues with children.

A license to breed. Parents are by far the largest influence on a child. People in an abusive relationship having a child will inflict abuse on the child. People that are immature are far more likely to be neglectful toward their children. Parents need not be held to a financial or educational standard, only to standards of maturity, stability, and psychological fitness. Better stock when breeding leads to better children. This is not a matter of race, or a matter of class, only a matter of finding good people to have children.

Allow children to fight to the death. In school some children are picked-on and tormented. This isn't right. So imagine if that little smart mouth that is making fun of a larger child had to face the wrath of the larger child. It would be a small ring, where the smaller and mouthier child couldn't run. All the other children would have to watch this fight. After the picked-on child smashed the face of the other child a few dozen times, they will never be made fun of again, and the other mouthy children will think twice about making-fun of anyone. The fights could only be one on one, and go on till the original victim is satisfied.  It wouldn't be allowed to happen without reason, there would need to a "strike" system in place, an adult witness to the misconduct and/or other such safe guards to prevent a child that simply enjoys violence from taking advantage of the system. This could make school a much better experience for the vast majority of students. Less stress at school would lead to less acting out other places.

These are just a start of what could be a better world. A world that is more polite. Over population, could even be quelled in time. Remember, this is all for the children. 

Things I miss.

Just reflecting on somethings that are gone, never to return. So here are a few things I miss. Maybe you miss them too. Maybe you are glad to see them gone. Either way, these things aren't coming back.

TV before "Reality TV". You know when television shows were more than whores trying to turn a complete lack of talent into drama. Sadly it is so cheap to make that it will never go away. No matter how little anyone watches, it makes more than its money back.

Violence in schools. Once upon a time you a student could deal with their fellow students by beating them till they left you the hell alone. Now there is this "zero tolerance" bullshit. This lets mouthy little bastards get away with whatever they want, they never learn a lesson about running their mouths. We need to let children fight, so ever little shit losses their baby teeth by force.

When you could easily tell which women were whores. Now almost every woman dresses like a whore. It is god damn confusing. Sure, it is some nice eye candy, but it is also a tease.

The 16-bit era of gaming. There were so many new ideas, so many directions that one could go with the medium. Gritty and realistic is nice, but I don't want entertainment to always be realistic. It was also nice to see a protagonist that wasn't a militant douche, or a criminal. Also, back then not nearly as many franchises turned to shit.

When the job market was good. Mostly for the money.

The days before everyone had a camera. Cell phones have made it so much hard to get away with various crimes. Its like the deck is stacked against you now.

My own sanity. Like Ozzy said "Of all the things I miss, I miss my mind the most". It is debatable if said it first, but the meaning is what matters. The horrors of reality slowly twist the mind, and a mind can only twist so far before it can stand no more.

The Good Part Of Any Holiday.

Valentine's Day has come and gone. It is a a holiday that is a bit of chore if you are man, and free gifts if you are a woman. Putting that aside, it is another holiday where hoards of overpriced novelties are made available before hand and sold incredibly cheaply afterward. That is the great part of most of the worst holidays, the very cheap candy one can find the day after. Christmas, Valentine's, Easter,  all horrid waste of time, but the day after each of them one can find high quality candies and chocolate at rock bottom prices.

Now to get the best stuff you will need to get to the store early, when they open if possible. You then need to sprint to holiday section, and be ready to push old women out of the way. You aren't the only person here with a plan to get cheap chocolate, you may need to be ready to knock some people out. The best stuff will go quickly, and if you get there too late all you will fine are off brands, and the stuff no one wants in the first place. After you have found your prize, take it to the register and get ready to be shocked at how cheap everything has become after only one day.

A good haul will set you up for your candy need till at least the next holiday. Yes the candy will be themed to whatever holiday you got it after, but that is alright, after all  Reese's peanut butter heart or egg tastes just as good as a peanut butter cup. You can use your hoard of holiday candy to  confuse people, as no one expects a Milky Way Santa in June. If you have any small children you see regularly they will be very happy to get conversation  hearts or marshmallow chicks weeks and months after the holidays they are made for.

Remember just because a holiday is a pain in the ass waste of time, it doesn't mean it is completely without charm. So after every holiday be ready to get needlessly violent in the name of saving a few dollars. It is fun, and profitable.