Easter Time

Easter time is here again. It is the time of year when Christians celebrate the death and return of Optimus Prime, no, that isn't right, that other poorly written children's character... Jesus. Not that you would know that, based on what you see everywhere you would think this holiday was about chocolate gluttony, and rabbit fetishism.

He died for your sins... no wait, got them confused again.

Easter Sunday is kind of a downer if you are not in to the whole religious bullshit angle. Most of the stores are closed, and restaurants are either closed or serving a limited menu. Sure, this day is about the most common imaginary friend in the country, but does that mean everything in the country has to grind to a halt? Can't people do their regular jobs while paying superficial lip service? Times might be changing, Walmart is open on Easter.

He has the touch, he has the power... no wait, wrong one once again.

So tomorrow we can all go to Walmart and get some cheap imported products. Meh, still beats rationalizing the voices in your head by going to church, the people there are assholes anyway. If only there was a place to get a decent burger on Easter. Happy Zombie Jesus Day everyone.

Easter.

Easter time is here. That time of year where Christians celebrate the death and return of Superman, no wait, that other character... oh yeah, Jesus. There is candy, and rabbits, and eggs. It is a bit like Halloween, but there is only one zombie involved. Every year it has a different date, but somehow always on a Sunday.

The Christians are celebrating the brutal death and mysterious resurrection of their supposed savoir. It would seem that dyeing eggs and eating chocolate are the ways you celebrate that kind of thing. Somewhere a long the way a rabbit got involved, can't find a clear answer for that one. Seem like a more somber celebration would be in order, given what the holiday is based on.

Most holidays are on the same date every year, Christmas is December 25,  Halloween is October 31, but not Easter it changes every year. Sometimes in March, sometimes in April, consistent it is not. The date is base on a different calendar than the modern one. What, is it too much work to make it happen the same day each year? They already round off to the nearest Sunday, so lets go the next step and just make it the same day each year.

They call it Easter, but really it is "Zombie Jesus Day". Death on a Friday, followed by zombie time on Sunday. Where do you think the symbolic flesh eating came from? Well when zombie Jesus came to town it wasn't so symbolic. What, they don't talk about that in the bible? It got edited out over time.

So enjoy your Easter zombie extravaganza. Find some colored eggs, eat some chocolate, and try to guess when you will be doing this all next time. The holiday might not make since, but at least the candy will be marked down on Monday.