Sunday, May 5, 2013


Summer movies tend to hit and miss. However they always seem to bring fanboys out. Movies make them come out in public, out of their parent's homes, and take their lips off the barrel of a gun. They come out and act socially awkward, and overtly defensive. Worse of all, we have to deal with them. This rarely, if ever, ends well.

The fanboy is a horrid creature. One that sadly we are forced to deal with far to often this time of year. There is no known way to purge us of them, so instead we need to identify them quickly, and avoid the places they roam. Sadly if you like movies, avoiding there habitats may not be an option. Don't worry however, there numbers don't grow much as women want no part of them, and top scientist are working on a poison that will kill them and not the average person.  Donation might help their work to that end along. In the mean time, there are a few things one can look for in order to spot them. Here are five universal traits of the fanboy.

5. Defending things to the death.

They can often be found being overly defensive about legitimate criticism. Be it movie, book, comic, or game, if you say anything other then how great it is they flip out. It could be minor, but it is a word against there love, and they can't take it. Fanboys love things the way a child loves mommy, and can't take a word against mommy.

4. Creepiness.

This isn't always visual. This can happen as you are talking to them, and suddenly you notice talk on a certain subject really gets them going. When this happens, you should run. An aroused fanboy might try to rape you, and all because you talked about the last Marvel comic movie.

3. Bad Hygiene.

When you only friends are inanimate objects, you just stop caring. Oddly enough, they are filthy, but everything they are into is perfectly clean. Not a disk has a scratch on it, not page bent, somehow the grease on there hands never makes it on to their objects of obsession. This phenomenon needs study.

2. Emotionally unstable.

They get go form gleefully happy, to crying, to violently angry all in a matter of seconds. Why? Because you don't view what they love as perfect. Luckily, they are usually not in good enough shape to do much in the way of violence. A general lack of contact with others seems to cause this.

1. Claim you are not smart enough to "get it".

This is something only the most obvious and pathetic fanboys do. They know they have no way to defend there greatest love, so they try claim superiority. This is sad to see. It is very transparent, and has never really worked. Yet somehow, it has stayed as the most common defensive tactic used by the fanboy.

Donate today. We can find a cure for "fanboy" in our lifetime.

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